Posts tagged loss
How a Fantastic Conference Taught Me More About Virtual Organizing

Recently, I returned from the Institute for Challenging Disorganization’s (ICD) conference, held in Canada this year. Colleagues from around the globe gathered to learn, connect, and explore the latest ideas and research related to neurodivergence and people affected by chronic disorganization.

The conference covered a fascinating range of topics, including ADHD, decision-making, navigating life transitions, clutter, emotional labor, hoarding disorder, motivational interviewing, and communication.

I was thrilled to be part of the panel, “Cultivating Connection: Best Practices for Communication with Neurodivergent Clients,” alongside my wonderful colleagues. Sara Skillen moderated, and Leslie Josel and Elizabeth Brink were the other panelists.

Whenever I’m learning, I have one goal: to learn at least one new thing, discover one new resource, or deepen my connection with something I already know. Honestly, with that simple goal, I consistently come away with far more than one thing.

The ICD conference was no exception.

I’m excited to share some of my takeaways and how they expanded my thinking, reinforced what I already know, and will influence the virtual organizing work I do with clients.

 

What Expanded My Thinking About Virtual Organizing

Emotional Labor

In “The Art of the Invisible: Helping Neurodiverse Families Navigate the Emotional Labor Lifecycle,” presenters Regina Lark, PhD, CPO®, CPO-CD® and Leslie Josel, PCC, discussed how emotional labor, which is mostly invisible and disproportionately handled by moms, is “the exhausting work” and the “cognitive management of household systems.”

Navigating emotional labor, work that never ends, requires executive function (EF) skills that rely heavily on the prefrontal cortex. These include:

  • Planning

  • Focusing

  • Remembering instructions

  • Juggling multiple tasks

  • Managing emotions

  • Working memory

  • Organizing

However, as many of my clients have experienced, EF skills can be especially challenging if you are highly stressed, have prefrontal cortex damage, or have conditions such as ADHD, autism, dyslexia, dyspraxia, or Tourette’s syndrome.

One of the biggest takeaways was distributing the emotional load through “radical delegation. Take perfection off the table. Delegate to someone else, even if they aren’t good at it.  Go for “good enough.”

This made me think differently about virtual organizing. When we work together, we’re not only organizing possessions or creating systems. We’re also considering the mental load behind those systems. What decisions are constantly being made? What is someone trying to remember? What are they managing for themselves or others? And what might be possible to let go of, share, or accept as “good enough”?

Life Transitions

We experience many life transitions. Professor and researcher Dr. Michelle Pannor Silver focused on four in her presentation, “Unpacking Identity: Navigating Later Life Transitions for Those with Organizational Challenges.” She discussed retirement, menopause, clutter, and prioritizing physical resilience.

Much of my work involves helping clients navigate transitions such as moving, starting a new job, divorce, birth, losing a loved one, and other life changes like those Dr. Silver discussed.

One takeaway came from the retirement section. Since our identities are often tied to our work, figuring out what comes next takes thought. Silver stressed the importance of creating “time and mental space to imagine retirement.” It’s not just about getting your finances in order. Take time to envision how you want your post-work life to feel and what you want it to be like. Include “sparking joy” activities.

Another idea that resonated was “recalibrating after loss.” In later years, loss can arrive in many forms, including changes in work status, moving from a familiar environment, changes in physical or cognitive abilities, and the loss of loved ones.

I am thinking differently about virtual organizing in the context of reimagining and recalibrating life. We go through periods when the organizational systems or patterns that used to work suddenly become ineffective. They no longer support who we are now. Virtual organizing sessions can be a wonderful way to work through these shifts and create systems and schedules that support who you are now.

“Decision-making is at the center of everything. It is a core part of being human.”
— Elizabeth Brink, PCC, PCNC®, SEP®

What Reinforced What I Already Know About Virtual Organizing

ADHD

Ari Tuckman, PsyD, MBA, presented “ADHD Can Make Organizing Psychologically Messy.” He emphasized that the ADHD challenge is “not the knowing, but the doing.” Challenges with activation, attention regulation, perfectionism, and time management can make it harder to start. You might know what to do, but these obstacles can make it challenging to get things done.

One question Tuckman suggested was, “What’s a realistic, sustainable goal that you’ll allow yourself to feel good about?” Emphasizing “realistic” and “sustainable” is central to my work with clients.

Tuckman shared many strategies that reinforced the tools and concepts I use with clients. They included:

  • Time – Use analog clocks, alarms, and schedules to build time awareness and make time more visible.

  • Fun – Make tasks less boring and more enjoyable through gamification or a playful spin.

  • Clarify – Ask, “How important is ‘this’ relative to everything else?”

  • Momentum – Do a “bit of something,” and always “hope for momentum.”

  • Experiment – “Be willing to flounder, and be confused.”

  • Decision-Making– If you are having difficulty choosing, flip a coin. It can clarify what you really want.

  • Perfectionism – Focus on “good enough.”

These strategies reflect what I see every day in virtual organizing: knowing what to do and being able to do it aren’t always the same. Virtual organizing sessions can help clients identify what gets in the way, experiment with different approaches, and find strategies that are realistic and sustainable for them.

Decision-Making

Elizabeth Brink, PCC, PCNC®, SEP®, a neurodivergent-centered coach, educator, and trainer, presented “Decision-Making: Neurodivergence, Trauma, and Chronic Disorganization.” Brink stated, “Decision-making is at the center of everything. It is a core part of being human.”

Brink went on to say that “Decision-making is a special kind of hard for neurodivergent humans.” She also said that for neurodivergent people, “Overwhelm is a reasonable response to decision-making.”

When Brink said, “It’s a big deal how to help people make decisions,” I recognized how central nurturing decision-making skills and building agency are to my virtual organizing work. People reach out to me when they feel overwhelmed, and much of that overwhelm comes from difficulty making decisions.

Decision-making skills can be learned. Brink featured several skill-building strategies that align with how I support my clients in making decisions. They include:

  • Empathy – Understand and appreciate what they may be feeling or experiencing, without judgment.

  • Demystify – Learn how they make decisions, what’s worked well for them in the past, the process they’ve used, and how we can tweak or apply that process to current choices.

  • Capacity – Be mindful of their capacity at that moment, normalize pauses, take breaks to avoid decision fatigue, and encourage a slower pace when needed.

Always Be Learning

Every conference leaves me with something to think about, but this one reminded me why I value learning so much. Sometimes a new idea changes how I approach my work. Other times, it gives me language for what I already know and see in my work with clients. Both are valuable.

I’m excited to bring these insights into my virtual organizing sessions and stay curious, experiment, and learn alongside my clients.

How Can I Help?

Do you feel overwhelmed, stuck, or disorganized? You don’t have to face it alone. I’m here to help! Get unstuck and make progress. Virtual organizing is an extraordinary path forward—with a local feel and a global reach.

Let’s talk! I’m easy to reach.

Getting organized, making progress, and reaching your goals are doable, especially with support.

 
 
9 Marvelous Ways Virtual Professional Organizers Can Help With Transitions

Can you feel it? Transitions are in the air. The summer is coming to a close. Fall is around the corner, and change is on its way. One transition signal I noticed on a recent walk was the appearance of these beautiful berries that start white and turn to blue and purple hues. Oh, yes. Fall is coming. The transition is happening.

How do you feel about transitions? Are you excited, optimistic, empowered, sad, scared, apprehensive, or overwhelmed? Change can be challenging. You let go or say goodbye to what was and move forward to something different. The ‘different’ could be an unknown, a new stage of life, or a smaller, seemingly insignificant change. Navigating transitions can be much easier when you get planning, implementing, and supporting help.

Here's the good news. Many people can provide support, including friends, family members, colleagues, or virtual professional organizers like me. Much of my work centers around helping people of all ages and stages during their life transitions.

 

9 Ways Organizers Can Help With Transitions

1. Resetting for the New Season

Can you enlist the help of an organizer to do a clothing edit and organization? As you store your spring/summer clothes and bring out your fall/winter ones, choose the items you will no longer wear and can release. Could you hire an organizer to support your decision-making and organizational ideas? Your seasonal clothing transition will go more smoothly.

 

2. Going Back to School

You had one pattern for the summer, but now it’s time for the kiddos to return to school. This is a transition time where habits and schedules change. An organizer can help you create great organizational systems that work for your family.

 

3. Becoming an Empty Nester

Perhaps going back to school means you’re now an empty nester. This is an enormous transition for both you and your kiddo. If you need help getting your college-bound kid organized to leave the nest or need help reorganizing your home and schedule now that your kid is out, enlist help from a professional organizer.

 

4. Becoming a Parent

When a new life arrives, everything changes. You will prepare emotionally and physically during this transition. You can use the services of an organizer to help create an organized space for your little one.

 

5. Changing a Relationship

Whether you are moving in with your partner, getting married, or divorced, these transitions can be stressful and complicated. There are emotional aspects to navigate. There are also scheduling and space transitions, which an organizer can be especially helpful with. Whether merging two households into one or dividing one home into two, it’s beneficial to have a non-judgmental, compassionate person to plan, organize, and navigate this transition.

 

“Transitions are an opportunity for growth, renewal, and possibilities.”
— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVOP™

6. Moving and Downsizing

Moving and downsizing are significant transitions. This can be anxiety-producing, especially if you work with a tight deadline or do not want to move. There are many things to handle, even when your deadline is flexible, or you’ve purposely chosen the change. Hiring an organizer to help you plan, support your decisions, and share resources can ease the stress of these complex transitions.

 

7. Retiring

You worked a lifetime, and now you’re ready to stop. You’re used to being highly scheduled with less free time to pursue hobbies and friendships. As you transition into this new stage of life, consider what you want and no longer need. What can you let go of? What do you want to make space for? You can work with an organizer to figure out what ‘belongs’ now.

 

8. Experiencing Health Challenges

While you have your medical health professionals’ support team, an organizer can help with health-related transitions in many ways. Perhaps you need a system for documenting doctor visits, instructions, or medications. Maybe you need to reorganize space in your home, declutter, or create an unobstructed flow. Especially when you’re not feeling your best, having another person to support your transition and organizational needs can be helpful.

 

9. Losing a Loved One

When someone we love dies, life changes instantly. It doesn’t matter if it is expected or not. Loss is loss. Everyone grieves in their way. At a point when the grief fog lifts, you might feel ready to make changes, like rethinking the use of rooms or letting go of some of your loved one's belongings. This is a highly emotional time. Having an organizer to work with can help you honor your loved one’s possessions as you organize, let go, and move forward.

 

As Tom Stoppard said, “Every exit is an entry somewhere.” As you travel from where you are to where you are heading, don’t go it alone. Gather your team who will help, support, and be there as you navigate. Transitions are an opportunity for growth, renewal, and possibilities.

Are you going through a transition? Who is on your team? Do you want additional help? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

 
 
 
Celebrating Moms Every Day: Clutter, Chaos, and a Heart Full of Emotions

On this beautiful spring day, I am grateful to all the amazing moms who have mentored, raised, and taught me how to love and be loved, be a parent, caretaker, and friend. Motherhood isn’t all smooth sailing, as every parent will admit. It’s messy, confusing, and at times, clutter-filled. However, being a parent is also joy-inducing. Helping our kids to grow, explore, and become has been and continues to be one of the most amazing experiences of my life.

I learned about motherhood from the best- my mom and her two sisters, Aunt Bert and Aunt Ruthy. These incredible women who exuded love and encouragement are now gone. I miss our soulful conversations, giggle sessions, shared meals, hugs, and quiet times together. While they are no longer here, their love remains.

They helped guide me when I became a mom 33 years ago. My heart expanded and grew again when, two years later, our second child was born. I never understood how fiercely my mom loved me until I became a parent. I adore our daughters, Allison and Cassie. I can’t imagine life without their loving presence. Seeing them blossom into incredible people inspires me and makes me hopeful for our future.

I am filled with gratitude, love, and sadness on this Mother’s Day. I’m grateful to the moms who raised me, my daughters, who continue to teach me, and my husband, Steve, an amazing parenting partner. These relationships fill my heart with so much love.

I’m sad because my mom and aunts are gone. Aunt Bert, the last of the “Simon Sisters,” died suddenly last week. I’m still wrapping my head around this profound loss. 

“I am grateful to all the amazing moms who taught me how to love and be loved.”
— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVOP™

Whether you are a mom or know a wonderful mom, I hope you will take the time to celebrate a beautiful mom in your life. Wishing all the moms, aunts, and grandmothers a happy, love-filled Mother’s Day!

Is there a special mom you’d like to tell us about? Do you have any mom stories you’d like to share? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.


 
 
 
How to Make the Courageous Connection Between Risk and Change Really Helpful

Let’s face it. Making a change involves taking risks. No matter the size of the risk, you’ll need the courage to dive into unknown waters. Your risk tolerance level will influence how easy or challenging it will be to pursue change. If you are comfortable taking risks, you will more likely welcome change and take necessary actions without too much deliberation. If you are risk-averse, change is still possible, but the journey will be more difficult.


Risk Tolerance Scale

Your response will vary depending on the scenario and type of risk. Consider your risk tolerance level concerning change using a scale from 1 to 10.

1   =   Risk-Averse:  Reluctant to take risks

10 =   Risk-Taker:  Eager to take risks

Imagine the change you want is to have less clutter in your home. Part of that process will include editing and releasing things. Using the Risk Tolerance Scale, you recognize how easily you can let go of junk mail and old newspapers. You give yourself a 10 because you can recycle them without much thought. However, when it comes to mementos, you struggle to make decisions because of your emotional attachments. You feel a sense of loss when letting go of things from the past, and give yourself a 2.

 

Preparing for Change

There are a few ways to facilitate change. Using the example above, refer to the Risk Tolerance Scale to identify the areas that feel less risky to work on, like junk mail and newspapers. As you build confidence and progress in those areas, you’re preparing to tackle the more challenging things next.

Another idea, which is especially helpful in risk-averse scenarios, is to ask the question,

What risk are you happy you took?

Revisiting risks you handled in the past that had successful outcomes will help build confidence in taking new risks and making changes. Invest time in remembering.

 

“Making a change involves taking risks.”
— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVOP™

Taking Risks in Pursuit of Change

There’s no question that when we pursue change, letting go occurs. This can include physical stuff, places, people, or ideas. During a recent virtual organizing session, my client shared something while gently releasing a category of papers from the past. It spoke to one of the benefits of embracing risk in pursuit of change and was so moving. She said,

“I’m letting go of part of my life that is no longer part of my life.”

What an insightful recognition that in moving forward and embracing change, you can let go of those things that no longer have a place in your present.

 

How does your risk tolerance level influence the changes you seek? In what ways have you noticed a connection? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.