The last few weeks have been flowing forcefully with a mixture of highs and lows. How have they been for you? I had the joy of speaking at the 3rd International Virtual Summit for Virtual Organisers and exchanging ideas with colleagues from around the globe. On the other end of the emotional spectrum, I experienced the profound loss of my brother-in-law, Larry, while simultaneously marking the first anniversary of my mom’s passing and the tenth anniversary of my dad’s.

When we lose our loved ones, a certain amount of letting go happens because their physical presence ceases to exist. However, they remain with us through our stories, memories, and dreams.

Last month, I read something inspiring that author Todd Henry wrote. He asked,

“What kind of harvest do you want to reap a year from now? And what seeds are you planting right now that will increase your chances of seeing those results?”

When we think about the “harvest” we want to reap, it’s as much about the seeds we nurture as it is about letting go of those things that hinder growth. I often see this with my clients. Their goal is to declutter, let go, and get organized. Clear, calm physical and mental space is the harvest they seek. Yet, it’s essential to let go of some belongings, unhelpful habits, and negative self-talk to get there. The goal is clear, but the journey can be challenging. Progress happens when we finally lean into letting go.

“Progress happens when we finally lean into letting go.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

Circling back to the highs and lows of these past weeks, I think about how they relate to reaping. When I pivoted my business to virtual organizing, I planted various seeds that led to beautiful harvests, including new clients, speaking engagements, and exciting business and media opportunities. I let go of how I used to work, stayed flexible, and reimagined my organizing business. I continue to plant and nurture new seeds as I navigate the changing landscape.

When Larry died on the heels of my mother and father’s anniversaries, I thought about the relationship seeds I planted for all of these decades. Those were nurtured and resulted in close, loving bonds. I wouldn’t trade them for anything, even though my heart aches as I let go. There will be no more phone conversations, hand-holding, or hugs. Instead, I will remember my loved ones in the scent of the pine needles, the laughter at silly jokes, and the road trip quests for homemade pies. 

We plant seeds and nurture them. We lean in and let go. What can you let go of to accomplish the goals you seek? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

Loss is part of the human experience. It’s one of the things we have in common with each other. When we lose someone we love, we often want to hold onto their physical possessions to remind us of them. In most situations, keeping some meaningful treasures is comforting. But what happens when your deceased loved one’s stuff overwhelms you? Maybe you are the person who is responsible for deciding what to do with their possessions. Perhaps all of their things have landed in your home, and you don’t have space, time, or energy to edit them. Maybe you’re still grieving, and it feels impossible or too soon to choose. I get it. I’ve been there personally and have walked the road with clients as they’ve faced similar circumstances.

It’s been seven months since my mom passed away. I miss her so much. I completed the editing and dispossessing process. Her lifetime of things, including her home of almost 60 years, has been sold, given to family members, donated, or discarded. I kept some furniture, art, books, jewelry, photos, memorabilia, and documents. There are still a few things I need to decide about. But mostly, her possessions and life are settled.

Beyond her stuff and physical presence, she remains with me in other ways. She visits me in my dreams. When I hear the music of Bach, Mozart, or musicals like The Sound of Music, I think of her. More recently, I was reminded about the power of the olfactory sense, which can transport us to another time in an instant. I hope my story will help you as you journey on your letting go path.

The Pine Needles

I am obsessed with the smell of the pines when I trek down the block. It’s as if I’m a huntress, hunting the scent. Several months ago, when I walked, I only smelled the pine if the wind blew in a particular way. The smell was fleeting. It was there one step and gone the next. I would back step, trying to get “it” again, but the aroma was gone. 

Why am I so obsessed? 

I have a memory from age six or seven. My parents took my siblings and me to a nature preserve for the weekend. Our car was packed with sleeping bags, slabs of wax for the lanterns, coolers, cots, and our dog, Sandy. They rented a lean-to, a three-sided, roofed structure, for our stay.

As we entered the park and drove up the road, tall, gracious pine trees marked the path on either side. My mom had my dad stop the car. She insisted we all gaze at the trees, open our windows, and take in their beautiful fragrance. My mom loved the smell. As we stood, I could hear her inhale the scent as she breathed in deeply and smiled. For those few minutes, the five of us stared and smelled as we enjoyed the moment. Whenever I smell fresh pine, I think of her.

On my walks down my block, I try to get a whiff of the trees. And every so often, I catch it. Then a few weeks ago, I noticed the dried pine needles falling in bunches to the ground. With their release came a concentrated scent. I’d walk, and there was the smell. I felt transported back to the time I had that moment with my mom so many decades ago.

She’s gone now. She left this year in March at 92 years young. But as I wander down the block, kicking the pine needles as I walk, it makes their fragrance even more intense. Gratitude and calm fill my being as I activate the aroma and feel my mom’s presence, strong like the scent of the dried pine needles.

“Gently let go when you can.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO™

For those of you that have lost a loved one, my heart goes out to you. If you are overwhelmed and struggling with letting go of physical possessions, I offer you this. Can you keep a few treasures and physical reminders? Can you allow the rest to move on? Your loved one’s memory will be with you in other ways through your stories, dreams, scents, sounds, and more. They wouldn’t want you to be overwhelmed or feel burdened by their stuff. Gently let go when you can.

Besides material possessions, what other ways keep you connected to your loved ones who have passed? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

Letting go can be challenging, especially when we have strong emotional attachments to our things. You might wonder why you have to let go? You don’t. You always have a choice. However, there are pivotal moments in our lives when letting go is necessary and you’re struggling. Perhaps you are in the midst of a significant life change like moving or rightsizing. Maybe you lost a loved one and are responsible for editing and dispossessing their things. Or, perhaps you are overwhelmed with a mountain of belongings that no longer deserve physical or mental space in your life. When we combine emotional transitions with a propensity for strong attachments to our stuff, letting go can be difficult.

Minimalist Leo Babauta wrote something, which resonated with me. He referred to “the skill of letting go.”  All skills require practice. His description is infused with hope. It suggests that even if you are struggling with letting go, you can practice and improve. This is something I’ve experienced with my clients. The more they work at letting go, the less challenging it becomes.

4 Ways to Let Go of Things When Emotional Attachments are Powerful

1. Exercise Letting Go Muscles

I’ve always perceived letting go as a muscle that needs to be exercised like other muscles. However, we wouldn’t start lifting with a 100 lb. weight. We’d start small, maybe with a five-pounder, and build from there. This thought process is similar to letting go of the things we’re attached to. Exercise your letting go muscles by starting with the “lighter-weight” possessions like clothing or junk mail. Get a letting go rhythm established and work your way to the “heavier-weight” items that you feel more emotionally connected. Like most of us starting an exercise routine, it’s helpful to have an accountability partner or trainer. For help exercising your letting go muscles, hire a professional organizer like me, or work with a trusted friend or family member. It can make all the difference.

2. Normalize Emotional Attachments

It is prevalent, especially with people challenged by disorganization, to have strong emotional attachments to things. When attachments are heightened, identify and display your most valued treasures, set boundaries around what “enough” means, and use physical boundary parameters like a box or closet size. For items that get released, make the “homes” they go meaningful and that the places or people they are donated or given to will appreciate them. All of these things will make letting go easier to process.

“Letting go can be challenging, especially when we have strong emotional attachments to our things.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO™

3. Incentivize Letting Go

When we invite people over for a small gathering (tiny these days because of the pandemic,) what happens? Most of us become motivated to make our home guest-ready. This can include cleaning, decluttering, and letting go. Establishing a manufactured date can boost incentive for getting your home “good enough” for your company. Consider increasing the frequency of invitations to friends and family (using COVID safety protocols) as a dual incentive- more socializing time and increased opportunities to sort, edit, organize, and let go.

4. Minimize Kinesthetic Sympathy

When we physically touch things, it can increase our emotional attachment to them. This is the premise of kinesthetic sympathy. If you can, work with someone who can physically hold up the items for you while selecting what to keep or release. Putting physical distance and touch between you and the object can make decision-making more manageable. Physical space decreases emotional attachment and helps distinguish what is most treasured from the things that are no longer needed.

Do you or someone you know feel challenged with letting go? Do emotional attachments make it harder to let go? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

What happens when you need to work, push, and get things done, yet you feel like doing the exact opposite? When needs and wants conflict, which one wins out? Are you able to let go? Do you forge ahead despite the competing feelings? Do you compromise? Do you listen to the voice that is pulling you in the ‘opposite’ direction? Does procrastination take hold?

As I’ve described before, my natural tendency is to push myself. It’s not that I’m always working. I’m not. I purposely take breaks, have work boundaries, and make time to not do. However, I can still be hard on myself. It’s this deep sense I have to continually strive and complete. It’s not necessarily a negative thing, but there are times, like now, when my usual mode of operating competes with the loss and grief I’m experiencing. My typically wider bandwidth feels much narrower these days. It is only a few weeks since my mom died, and I have less energy.

“I was willing to let go of my expectations and listen to what my heart and mind needed.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO™

I gifted myself a compromise. Instead of writing more, I’ll share a video of the places I’ve been exploring with you. I’ve enjoyed being outside in the spring air to walk, see, smell, capture, and experience its beauty and magnificence. It’s just what I needed. Seeing the Hudson Valley landscape green and burst with color again feels beautifully affirming and hopeful.

I was willing to let go of my expectations and listen to what my heart and mind needed. Quiet time with nature called. What have you let go of recently? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.