We do things that demotivate us. We often don’t recognize how certain activities, behaviors, or thoughts prevent us from living the life we truly want. Have you ever gotten lost down the social media scrolling rabbit hole? Instead of being uplifted and raring to go, you end up feeling deflated or anxious. Do you spend so much time watching the news about the latest climate disasters, global health emergencies, wars, political unrest, mass shootings, and economic crises that you want to retreat and do nothing?

It can be challenging to access motivation when you’re constantly feeding your fear and stress responses. How can you find a healthy balance?

Recently, I read something my brother, Tod, posted on Facebook. He shared Jane Coaston’s The New York Times article, “Try to Resist the Call of the Doomers.” Before reading the piece, I hadn’t heard of Doomerism, which Coaston says “…is hotter right now than the street outside my apartment, and that street is pretty damn hot.”

Coaston describes Doomerism as “a new religion of profound pessimism...luxuriates in the awful…[and] everything is another harbinger of calamity.”

What effect does Doomerism have on your motivation? Coaston writes, “If you want people to do something, they need to be motivated- and impending doom doesn’t seem to do it.” So what can you do? Coaston’s proposition is surprising and hopeful. She believes “the best way to spur action is to begin from a place of optimism – a belief that the thing you want really is possible.”

How powerful is that? When you focus on optimism and possibilities, you have the energy and belief to move forward. It doesn’t mean you ignore everything going on in the world. However, you create a space where growth and positive outcomes are viable, and motivation thrives.

“... the best way to spur action is to begin from a place of optimism - a belief that the thing you want really is possible.”

— Jane Coaston

I’m reminded of my dad, the eternal optimist; even though he had a difficult childhood, he lived through the Depression and World War II. He always viewed the glass as half full, saw the best in people, and believed things would turn out OK. I frequently sought his guidance and advice. He’d listen, discuss when I was in doubt, and then send me off with three powerful words- “Go for it!” It didn’t get more hopeful than that. After our conversations, I had more belief in myself and agency in my ability to bring about positive change.

So on those days when the doomers’ noise is at full volume, turn up your optimism. Focus on what is possible. Surround yourself with images, stories, and people that will lift you up and cheer you on. Build a solid positive foundation to grow from. This will nourish your motivation and belief that what you seek can happen. Even in the darkness, life offers an abundance of light. Focus your lens in that direction.

Has your motivation been negatively influenced by Doomerism? What helps you restore your motivation? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

Two of the most common reasons clients reach out to me for virtual organizing help are they feel stuck and overwhelmed. In those situations, paralysis and procrastination are often present. It can be challenging to find motivation, move forward, and take your next step. However, with this one solid strategy, you will make progress.

In The New York Times article by executive coach Brad Stulberg, “You’ve Done Self Care. You’ve Languished. Now Try This,” he focuses on the emotional effects of the pandemic. These include lacking motivation, feeling “blah,” being stuck, and feeling exhausted. Increasing self-care and reducing expectations haven’t been enough. 

As described by psychologist Adam Grant, the pandemic triggered languishing, “a sense of stagnation and emptiness … as if you’re muddling through your days, looking at your life through a foggy windshield.” Languishing can feel much like grief.

What happens when we introduce behavioral activation? Clinical psychologist Peter Lewinsohn developed this idea in the 1970s to help people with “depression, apathy and negative moods.” The underlying concept is that “action can create motivation.” 

This is something I regularly observe. We ruminate about what we want to accomplish, think about the piles of clutter, and stress about the best way to start organizing. We struggle to move past the thinking cycle. 

This is where action comes in. Clients often begin in an unclear, overwhelmed state at the start of a virtual organizing session. By the end of the one-hour session, they took action or identified a few small actionable next steps. We build from there- one action, one step, and one success at a time. Progress is made, motivation returns, and they keep moving ahead.

“While thinking is an integral part of progress, an action also needs to happen for movement to occur.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO™

Don’t underestimate the power of one tiny action. We can easily stay in our heads and feel like we’re working on the challenge. At a point, we need to do more. While thinking is an integral part of progress, an action also needs to happen for movement to occur.

Pause a moment. Where do you feel stuck or overwhelmed? What is one little action next step you can take to move forward? Does taking action create more motivation? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

What is it with guilt and the difficulty of letting it go? We feel guilty when we think we’ve done something wrong or failed to do something we thought we should have done. We blame ourselves when something we feel responsible for we didn’t do. During several recent conversations, I’ve noticed that we’ve been especially hard on ourselves and experienced many types of guilt. We’re living in an unusual time. The world is in crisis because of the COVID-19 pandemic. Life has changed overnight for many of us, and we are adjusting to living differently. Stress and emotions are heightened, as is our tendency for self-blame and guilt.

Let’s be kinder. We are living in a raw wound-like state. Letting go of guilt is an act of self-compassion. There are several guilt themes I’ve noticed. I’ll share them with you, along with some encouragement for letting go. What have you observed? 

How to Let Go of Guilt During the COVID-19 Crisis

Productivity Guilt

In a recent The New York Times article, “Stop Trying to Be Productive,” Taylor Lorenz makes the case that the message we’re hearing is that we should be more productive with the “extra hours” we were gifted because of the pandemic. However, our experience is quite different. Even though we might have freed-up hours in the day because we aren’t commuting to work or have no work, we are exhausted. We’re finding it challenging enough to take care of the basics. So we are experiencing productivity guilt because we aren’t organizing our decades of memorabilia, cleaning out our garages, writing that novel, or accomplishing more in a day. Let your productivity guilt go.

I admit to erring on the side of staying productive. I want to accomplish things. But I also recognize that we are experiencing grief-like symptoms. So instead of pushing and expecting, we need to be gentle and compassionate. Adjust your expectations of what productivity looks like for now. Instead, focus on what you need to feel healthy, calm, and sane. That might mean a shift to a human being rather than doing.

Being Normal Guilt

Daily meditation is an essential part of my morning routine. Especially now, I am so grateful for this practice. Most days, I use guided meditations on the Insight Timer app. Lately, I’ve been experimenting with some newly released practices that focus on helping us navigate the COVID-19 crisis. They help me with discovering useful perspectives, offering calming strategies, and increasing compassion for self and others. In a recent practice, I listened to Rick Breden’s “Six Questions to Ask Yourself During COVID-19.” Rick is a psychotherapist and CEO of Behavioral Essentials. He asked this question,“What expectations of normal am I letting go of today?”

“What expectations of normal am I letting go of today?”

— Rick Breden

I loved that question because so many of us expect that we should be living like business as usual. But there is nothing ordinary about this time. Having some grace to let go of “normal,” means we can also let go of that guilt. We can let go of should and gift ourselves flexibility and the time needed to adjust to living differently.

Boundaries Guilt

I predict that at some point, you will be directly touched by COVID-19. You might have a family member, coworker, or patient that has it.  As humans, we’re wired to help people. Many people are being asked to go above and beyond to serve and help others while they are potentially putting themselves in harm’s way. Healthcare workers are being asked to be on the front lines and possibly come out of retirement or enter the workforce pre-graduation to assist all those in need. You might have a family member living with or near you that is ill and needs your help, which could put you in danger of also getting sick. Each of us has to decide what we are willing and not willing to do. What risks are we willing to take? And choosing not to help in every situation can result in a lot of guilt. This is a personal choice and a difficult one. If you are experiencing guilt around asserting your boundaries, I understand. Consider what you need to feel safe and remain healthy. Let the boundary guilt go.

Commitment Guilt

When I commit to something or someone, I like to honor my word. If I don’t, I feel guilty, and as though I’ve failed myself and the other person. This has happened a few times in the past few weeks. Circumstances were such that I wasn’t able to be at an event I had committed to or plan an annual event. In one instance, a family member needed my help, and that took priority over another commitment. In the other case, I recognized I didn’t have the bandwidth now to plan a large (virtual) gathering. And even though intellectually I understood the reasons, I was harsh with myself. I felt guilty for changing what I had committed to. I recognized that the kindness I needed was to let go of that guilt. So if you have experienced something similar, it’s time to let go. Grant yourself some grace and flexibility. Be open to adjusting your commitments if needed, guilt-free.

Complaint Guilt

There are so many horrific things happening in the world. People are dying, losing their jobs, and unable to feed their families. Communities are being destroyed. Health care workers are overworked and don’t have adequate protective gear and supplies to help those in need. Because there are so many horrible things going on, we feel guilty complaining about inconveniences like having spring vacation taken away or being unhappy with having to work virtually. There will always be someone that has it worse than you do. So instead of feeling guilty about complaining, perhaps turn it around and focus on gratitude. You can be grateful that you have a job, and simultaneously be upset and guilty that you don’t like how you’re being asked to do your job right now. Those two things can exist simultaneously. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s important to honor and express your feelings. Complaining or expressing is cathartic. Let go of the guilt and need we have to do it.

Communication Guilt

Many of us are in more intense contact with people now. We use a variety of ways to keep in touch and reach through the phone, email, texts, letters, Face Time, Skype, Zoom, or other platforms. Some of us are communicating with family, friends, and coworkers in new ways or more frequently. For some of us, it might feel like a full-time job. There are so many people we are concerned about in various corners of the world and in our lives. After several weeks of this, some of us are beginning to feel exhausted by the pandemic talk. Even though we think we should be reaching out, what we really feel like doing is retreating into our cocoon. No talking. No communicating. Just being still and quiet. That response is resulting in some feelings of guilt. After all, we keep hearing how important it is to stay in touch with people. So many are isolated. For those feeling guilty about wanting to communicate less, let your guilt go. Honor your needs. This doesn’t have to be an all or nothing. Take a break or reach out less frequently. Adjust what enough feels like.

We’re all feeling raw with the changes and uncertainty. It’s essential to focus on those things that lift us up, reduce stress, and help us feel centered. From there, we can increase our reserves so we have something left to help others. Guilt depletes us. Be generous with your self-compassion. Are you having difficulty letting go of guilt? What are you experiencing? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to leave a comment and join the conversation.