Posts tagged emotional regulation
How to Let Go of What's in Your Way to Joyfully Embrace the Good Stuff

What are you holding onto that’s getting in your way? Are there physical things, like clothing that no longer fits, stacks of magazines you’ll never read, or expired food and medicine? Are there habits that don’t serve you, such as not getting enough sleep, doomscrolling on your devices, or acquiring things without ever editing them? Are there behaviors that create more stress, such as constantly berating yourself, ruminating on interactions, or not taking time for play or joy?

Are these things holding you back from living the life you want? Do you want more calm, joy, or ease?

What happens, though, when you begin to let go of clutter and the things that create blockages and stress? What happens when you approach them in a new way? It’s not that challenges won’t appear or that stress triggers will disappear. However, when you begin to work with them differently and let go, you will have more bandwidth to embrace the good stuff.

 

 

 

A Tiny Shifts Learning Journey

21 Days

For the past few months, I’ve been learning from clinical psychologist and author Dr. Elisha Goldstein. Although he’s been on my radar for years, I signed up for a 21-Day Tiny Shifts Experience in January.

The program featured short, daily practices designed to help you better manage stress by supporting your nervous system. By the end of the course, I was better able to regulate my emotions through simple, intentional breathing practices.

 

 

6 Weeks

The experience was so wonderful that I wanted to learn more. Next, I registered for Elisha’s 6-Week Tiny Shifts Emotional Longevity course. It included two live sessions each week: one led by Elisha and the other an Integration Lab led by mindfulness teacher Susan Beckman Reagan.

There were simple, doable practices to work on between sessions, along with a virtual platform for communication. We learned more about emotional loops, supporting the nervous system, and the 4Rs: Recognize, Release, Refocus, and Reinforce.

 

 

The Book

Simultaneously, Elisha released his new book, Tiny Shifts – How Emotional Health Transforms Stress, Relationships, and Longevity. While I was taking the courses, I read it, which helped me better assimilate what I was learning.

Elisha says, “Real change doesn’t come from doing more. Feel free to let go of that burden. It comes from shifting how we relate to what’s already here-one tiny emotional pivot at a time.”

If you haven’t read Tiny Shifts yet, I highly recommend it. Elisha presents his research-backed, doable strategies clearly and compassionately while sharing captivating stories.

 

 

The Retreat

The next part of my learning journey took place last weekend. Elisha offered a three-day Emotional Longevity Retreat at Kripalu in the Berkshires. It was especially meaningful to attend in person, since the previous courses were online. My husband, Steve, went, too.

What I had learned before was clarified or reinforced during the retreat. It was an emotional weekend—lots of crying, smiling, laughing, meditating, and pausing. While the strategies are simple, applying them in the moment takes practice. I’m still working on it and remain hopeful. I can see my progress.

 

 

What would it feel like to let go and embrace more joy and ease in your life?
— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVOP™

 

 

Embracing the Good Stuff

In these chaotic, uncertain times, there is no shortage of things beyond our control or that make us anxious. We can dwell there or let go. Elisha’s practices help tremendously with letting go. When you do, you will have more capacity to

  • Embrace joy, play, fun, and quiet.

  • Be present and available for the people and relationships in your life.

  • Have more ease.

  • Regroup more quickly from stressful situations.

  • Engage in better self-care and compassion.

  • Release the things, thoughts, habits, and behaviors that no longer serve you.

  • Be available for all the good stuff in your life.

What does the “good stuff” look like to you? A few years ago, I created my own list, which you can find here: Are You Making Time for ‘The Good Stuff?’ What’s one thing on your list?

 

  

 

 

Letting Go to Live with More Joy and Ease

What are you holding on to that causes you stress? What is keeping you from moving forward? What would it feel like to let go and embrace more joy and ease in your life?

I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

 

 

 

 

How Can I Help?

Do you feel overwhelmed or disorganized? Do you want to let go of what’s holding you back but feel stuck or unsure where to start? I’m here to help! You don’t have to do this alone. Virtual organizing is an extraordinary path forward – Local feel with a global reach.

Let’s connect! I’m easy to reach.

Letting go, getting organized, and living with more ease are possible, especially with support.

 
 
20 Powerful Self-Help Strategies to Know When Strong Emotions Make Your Motivation Vanish

Having an array of emotions is part of being human. There are no good or bad ones. However, at times, our strong emotions can make clear thoughts challenging. In fact, some emotions like anxiety, sadness, or fear can cause procrastination or completely zap our motivation.

When the amygdala, the primitive, emotional region of the brain, becomes the boss, it creates a cycle that activates the sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight.) The good news is many self-help strategies are available to help switch your internal gears from fight or flight to the rest and digest, parasympathetic nervous system mode.

When calmer, you can more readily access the pre-frontal cortex, a part of the brain that helps with decision-making, organization, attention, planning, emotional regulation, and impulse control. In this more relaxed state, you can reset and access the motivation to move forward.

Recently, I attended a meeting with fellow Nest Advisor, Monica Moore, a health and fertility coach. She led a workshop on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT.) The four-step process is helpful when making behavioral changes. ACT encourages working towards a value rather than avoiding something. In other words, focus your energy on something positive you want to be or do instead of on something negative you wish to avoid.

The ACT process:

  1. Identify a value. Who or what do I want to be?

  2. Identify feelings. What “yucky” feelings get in the way?

  3. Identify relief valves. When you feel these things, what behaviors occur?

  4. Create a nourishment menu. What behaviors will feel helpful, sustainable, and give perspective when experiencing the “yucky” feelings?

 

Your nourishment menu is where self-help strategies thrive. For example, when feeling anxious, you might engage in negative self-talk, binge-watching, or eating sugar-heavy snacks. What if you acknowledged and noticed those feelings when you felt anxious and instead, engaged in more helpful behaviors from the nourishment menu? Below are some suggestions. I’d love to know which of these or other ones work best for you.

20 Self-Help Strategies - Nourishment Menu

  • Journal

  • Meditate

  • Take a walk

  • Change your setting

  • Organize or clean

  • Create boundaries

  • Breathe slowly

  • Get a massage

  • Hug a loved one for at least 20 seconds

  • Run or exercise

  • Watch leaves flutter

  • Light a scented candle

  • Use humor

  • Rest

  • Read

  • Pet your dog or cat

  • Listen to or play music

  • Take a shower or bath

  • Help someone else

  • Talk with a friend, family member, or professional

I had a recent anxiety-inducing experience when I inadvertently deleted the most current 45 days of emails from my inbox. After long calls with tech support at Apple and Carbonite, it became clear that the emails might be retrieved, but not without many more hours spent with tech support and possibly worse complications.

A tech hiccup is never convenient. My plans to accomplish a lot that day were derailed because of the anxiety inability to focus. At a point, I decided to let it go and not retrieve the emails. However, I was still anxious and not functioning well. My emotions were in high gear, and my brain was foggy. So what did I do?

Your ‘nourishment menu’ is where self-help strategies thrive.
— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO™

I grabbed my journal and wrote. As the inky pen glided along the smooth paper, my heart beat rapidly, and my stomach was in knots. I wrote about the ‘gone’ emails, my anxious feelings, the power they had to deactivate my motivation, the shift in my emotional state of feeling calmer as I wrote, and the choice to let this go and move on. I noticed my environment (birds chirping, trees swaying), took several deep breaths, and shifted gears to write about positive memories from the mini vacation we just had.

After journaling, I met a dear friend for a walk along the river. We talked, laughed, and I shared the email saga with her. Not knowing about the nourishment menu at the time, I realized after how I had used several of these strategies to calm my anxiety, let go, and reset.

What self-help strategies work for you when your strong emotions take over? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.