While mindfulness is part of my daily practice, these days I find myself in more of an anticipation mode. This distracts me from now. I feel the pull between my desire to be present and my thoughts about planning for next year. These rumblings mess with my sense of balance. I’m teetering on the seesaw, going up and down between now and later. Is it just me, or is anyone else feeling this way?

One of the magazines I enjoy reading regularly is Real Simple. The January issue is about life balance. It has an assortment of interesting articles, statistics, and viewpoints. What struck me most was the cover, which had a variety of words that suggested the promise of “how to live the balanced life.” I thought it would be interesting to share them, but alter the context. Instead of specifically focusing on gadgets, wardrobes, and diets as they did, let’s instead use the verbs to concentrate on what’s most important to you.

Are you ready to experiment? Read the list below. Fill in as many blanks as you wish. Declare the changes you want to make for the coming year.

What Changes Do You Want to Make?

1. Reduce - If I had less (__), I’d feel more balanced. Letting go can propel us forward, help us feel calmer, and reduce our stress. Overabundance can lead to overwhelm. What do you want to less of? What will you reduce?

2. Increase - If I had more (__), I’d feel more balanced. This might be about the stuff, but more probably, it’s about time, people, and growth. What do you want more of? What will you increase?

3. Improve - If I improved (__), I’d feel more balanced. Is there an area you’d like to challenge yourself in, like eating more nutritiously, learning a new skill, or honing one you already have? What area do you want to tweak? What would you like to improve?

4. Simplify - If I simplified (__), I’d feel more balanced. We live in a complex world. How can you rethink your days to remove the layers of complexity? Can you change your routines, commitments, or schedule? What can you streamline? What will you simplify?

5. Make - If I made (__), I’d feel more balanced. The act of creating something can infuse us with energy, joy, and satisfaction. Creativity comes in many forms, from writing to singing to cooking to dancing to painting and more. Where do you want to channel your creative juices? What do you want to make?

6. Solve - If I solved (__), I’d feel more balanced. Do you have a challenge and feel stuck? Sometimes we need help figuring out the next step. Can you reach out for brainstorming or delegation help to find a solution? Who can you ask? What will move you forward? What would you like to solve?

Was this exercise useful? Are there any additions you’d like to add to the list? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Which words resonate with you? Join the conversation.

Dan Thurmon "Ask the Expert" interview about Life BalanceWe’ve had an exciting year of guests join us for the “Ask the Expert” interview series. We’ve given you a venue to connect with industry thought leaders and the opportunity to participate in inspiring conversations. This year we’ve spoken with Dr. Howard Gardner about being wonderfully human, Jane Pollak about possibility thinking, Dorothy Breininger about success, Dr. April Lane Benson about enlisting help, Leslie Josel about motivation, David Allen about time management, Peter Walsh about clutter, Sheila Delson about letting go, Laura Berman Fortgang about next steps, Judith Kolberg about change, and Sue West about fresh starts. To complete the year, I’m thrilled to bring you speaker, author, and coach, Dan Thurmon, to share his insights about life balance.

I’m a big Dan Thurmon fan! I’ve attended hundreds of presentations on a wide range of topics. Dan is one of the most unique, charming, and energy-filled presenters I’ve ever seen. I’ve had the pleasure of hearing him speak and perform twice at NAPO conferences as he motivated, enlightened, and persuaded us all while juggling large objects, tumbling through the air, and riding tall unicycles. Dynamic doesn’t begin to describe Dan! If you ever have the opportunity to hear him...GO! My gratitude goes to Dan for juggling his schedule and taking the time to join us. Before we begin, here’s more about him.

Dan Thurmon is the author of two books, Off Balance on Purpose and Success in Action, a renowned speaker, and a recognized expert in delivering peak performances – on stage and in the workplace. As president of Motivation Works, Inc., he has worked with hundreds of clients and delivered thousands of presentations worldwide. Dan helps organizations and individuals implement action plans and move confidently through transitions. You can connect with Dan on Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, blog or website.

Linda Samuels:  People long for balance. I’ve heard you say that while that’s “intriguing and desirable,” it’s also “completely unrealistic.” Can you share more about that?

Dan Thurmon:  Life is fluid and ever changing, so we cannot attain “perfect balance.” Balance should not be a goal but rather a skill. We “balance” competing demands for time, energy and action. We make decisions and adjustments to help improve our connection to what matters most in life. But our day-to-day experience is and will always be “off balance.” And that’s a good thing! You must be “off balance” in order to learn, grow, and contribute. That’s why I advocate living Off Balance On Purpose. This means that you own your circumstances, initiate changes, and act deliberately, not reactively. Also, we are more effective and engaged when our actions and lives are infused with purpose and meaning.

Linda:  Aside from being a world-class speaker, coach, and author, you are also a consummate performer and juggler. You use juggling concepts to help your audiences understand your message. What is your favorite juggling analogy about life balance?

Dan:  Well thank you! Juggling is a fantastic metaphor that teaches us, among other lessons, that we should look for “patterns” that connect the objects – or, our objectives. Instead of trying to isolate aspects of your life, look for ways to integrate them into a cohesive “pattern of action.” The other analogy involves riding a six-foot-tall unicycle as I demonstrate that, in order to make forward progress, you must be off balance, leaning into the change and uncertainty. It’s scary, but also exhilarating, as you are harnessing momentum for change!

Linda:  What strategies are useful when we’re feeling overwhelmed and pulled in too many directions?

Dan:  First, seek to clarify your purpose. What are you really trying to accomplish, and why is it important? And I don’t have to tell you that being organized is essential to staying in control. I believe it starts with organizing your thinking instead of being constantly redirected by the next “urgent” task. Also, I teach people how to create and strengthen “lifelines” between the aspects of life that matter most: Work, Relationships, Health, Spiritual Growth, and Personal Interests. If you view these “five spheres” as competing with one another, you will fight a losing battle. When you see them as integrated or blended into a “pattern,” however, you begin to see how they can support one another and work in harmony.

Linda:  What has been your toughest personal life balance challenge?

Dan:  As a husband and father of two children (ages 14 and 10), it is a challenge when my schedule takes me on the road for days at a time. But my wife and I have worked over the years to strengthen the “lifelines” that keep us connected. Sometimes I travel with my whole family, or with one of my kids. We often talk about the places I am visiting and the clients I work with. I’ve also used both of my kids, Eddie and Maggie, in my presentations. That way they truly understand what I do and we stay more connected, even when we are apart. And of course, I schedule family time at home to be sure they know how much they mean to me.

Linda:  What is your most surprising discovery about being “off balance?”

Dan:  When you develop a comfort with uncertainty, you often find new, fantastic opportunities that you would have otherwise missed completely. Life is exciting and ever changing, and when you find the “flow” of life and are able to engage its power, like a surfer atop a breaking wave, you will meet people, go places, and serve others in unexpected, wonderful ways.

Linda:  Is there anything you’d like to share about life balance that I haven’t asked?

Dan:  We’ve been told by well-intentioned experts that should we one day achieve a “balanced life,” we will be happier. But life is not a hypothetical future. It’s an undeniable present! And when you embrace uncertainty and choose to live Off Balance On Purpose, you will begin to experience greater happiness and control right where you are.

Thank you, Dan for sharing your wisdom about balance, or more accurately, living purposely off balance. So many of your ideas resonate with me from reframing balance not as a goal, but a skill, to acting deliberately instead of reactively, to developing a comfort with uncertainty, to leaning into change. I love your focus about now being, the “undeniable present,” rather than a “hypothetical future.” I could go on and on. But instead, let me open up the conversation to all of you.

I invite you to join Dan and me. Come share your thoughts about life balance. Is it illusive? What does balance look like to you? Have ideas sparked a perspective shift?

Perhaps now, more than any other season, it’s a time of giving. Enticements to shop, spend, and find those perfect gifts, along with increased solicitation requests to make charitable donations, fuel our urge to give. We feel good and balanced when we give. I’m not just talking about physical or monetary gifts.

In the last few weeks, I’ve experienced how giving comes in many other forms.

7 Types of Gifts Your People Will Love

Gift of Time – Recently, my husband and I were invited to share a lovely, home-cooked meal and leisurely conversation with wonderful friends. After dinner, we went to a reading of a new play sponsored by the Hudson Stage Company. We continued our evening out with dessert and coffee at a local restaurant. The gift was in the time spent together.

Gift of Teaching  – My daughter, who is an excellent cook, gave me cooking lessons for my birthday. She is the teacher. Allison created and placed a list of her favorite cooking sites and recipes on a flash drive. The gift includes purchasing the ingredients and making five main dishes and desserts that we’ll cook together. So far we’ve had two lessons. She’s a great teacher and a fabulous company. Cooking, smiling, talking, and wine drinking, all while learning from my daughter.

Gift of Repair  – There are always things that need fixing. I feel lucky that my husband happens to be pretty darn amazing at repairing things when he has the time. Of course, time is what’s in the shortest supply. Recently, he fixed an overhead light by installing a new socket. It’s a light I regularly use that had literally been on the blink for a long time. Every time I turn it on, I think of Steve. I’m grateful for him and his expertise. This was a simple, yet love-filled repair.

Gift of Music – We were at a recent holiday party with live Cajun and Zydeco music. Being that many of the guests were also musicians, they brought their instruments so they could jam together. As they played, sharing their gifts, I listened and danced. It was joyful.

Gift of Warmth – At that same party with the live music, there was also an outdoor fire going. At one point, I found myself outside in the cold air, entranced by the fire. It gave off such warmth. And it wasn’t just the heat. As I sat there, watching the flames swirl and roar, different people came and went, sharing stories, conversation, and laughter. I was warm from the fire and the good company.

Gift of Donating  – Like you, I’m sure there are many local and international charities that you regularly support. We can donate time, money, or both. Some of the charities that I regularly give to include the Institute for Challenging Disorganization, National Association of Professional Organizers, Guiding Eyes for the Blind, Temple Israel of Northern Westchester, and the Croton Caring Committee.

Gift of Gratitude – There is so much to be grateful for, like our family, friends, health, work, and well-being. I’m thankful for my amazing clients and the trust they have in me to help them with their organizing challenges. I’m in awe of their perseverance, creativity, intelligence, and warmth. To express my appreciation, I just launched a Client Loyalty Program, which automatically rewards Oh, So Organized! clients for their ongoing loyalty and trust. To find out more, click here.

It’s the giving season. I’m sure you’ll have plenty of opportunities to be on both the giving and receiving end. Ben Carson said, “Happiness doesn’t result from what we get, but from what we give.”  I suspect it’s a bit of each – a balance between giving and learning how to receive. What resonates with you? What are you noticing this giving season?

Is it possible to find balance during the holiday season? This can be a stress-filled time between the parties, shopping, wrapping, and comings and goings of our loved ones. There’s an atmosphere of flux and movement. While perfect balance is an unrealistic goal, there are ways to navigate this time to encourage less stress and more joy.

1. Adjust – We often expect things to happen in a certain way...”our” way. Those expectations can extend to how we’d like others to behave and act. While it’s reasonable to have certain expectations (like you invite people to a party and if they say they’re coming, they’ll be there,) it’s unrealistic to expect that people won’t cancel at the last minute or ask to bring an extra guest. Life happens and things don’t always go according to our plan. Being flexible is a useful strategy. It will help reduce the holiday season stress.

2. Marvel – There are moments of joy to notice and embrace wherever we turn. From watching your children enjoy one another’s company, to seeing your holiday table filled with your family and friends, to smelling the sweet scents of burning candles, to tasting that first morsel of homemade apple pie, to laughing until the tears roll down your cheeks, the season offers many opportunities for joy-filled moments. Engage your senses and your heart. Focus on what you see, feel, hear, smell, and taste. Appreciate the joy.

3. Let Go – Especially with guests around, we want everyone to be happy, get along, and feel “festive.” Or, is that just me? Big surprise. We’re responsible for own behavior and moods, but we have no control over others. This time of year can include big transitions that are accompanied by questions and uncertainties. Our youngest daughter will graduate college soon, and our oldest daughter is making plans for the next part of her journey. While they know what they’re doing today, fast forward a few months and life will be different. We can give our emotional support, but we can’t live their lives for them. Focus on how you can help (if help is even wanted.) Then step back and let go. This will result in less stress for you and them.

4. Organize – We each have different ideas about what it means to be or feel organized. There is no one way of being, doing, or structuring our lives. However, figuring out what makes sense for you can greatly enhance how balanced you feel, especially during the holidays. For me, having easily updateable “party” lists, knowing where my entertaining supplies are stored, and making time to plan party details with my husband, help me to feel organized. Invest the energy and time in discovering the organizing strategies that will work for you. If you’d like help strategizing and implementing organizing solutions, call or email me anytime.

5. Select – We love to say, “yes,” don’t’ we? However, especially during this season (well, any season, really,) remembering the other option, “no” is just as important. There will be many invitations for fabulous events and parties. The options for fun are abundant. However, being selective about what you choose to do, will allow you to enjoy even more the events you do attend. It’s about finding your balance between “yes” and “no.” Look at your calendar. Consider your energy. Then decide.

6. Create – Getting your hands, mind, and body fully engaged in creative pursuits is a wonderful way to restore balance and reduce stress. During this season, there are many opportunities to engage in these types of activities, but you might not think about them in that way. A slight perspective shift can turn the most innocent of pursuits into creative adventures. Some of my recent creative play included making a new soup recipe, decorating the Thanksgiving table, writing in my journal, arranging flowers, taking photos, and playing Charades. There’s nothing quite like activating our creativity (in whatever form it takes) to energize us.

The holiday season is here. Do any of these strategies resonate with you? Do you have others to share? Come join the conversation.