Life’s emergencies can cut through the mind clutter and help you refocus on what is important. This spring has been particularly full with long, overflowing lists of things to do, events to attend or plan, projects to wrap up, people to care for, new ventures to start and transitions to be made. These extras were mixed with the normal everyday things like doing laundry, paying bills, working and sleeping. Let’s face it. There are only so many hours in the day. There are days when you just crave more hours.

For me, when I am overloaded in this way, it’s not so much my physical environment that gets cluttered, but it’s my mind that gets full and jumbled. In the same way that your overflowing closet or desk piled with papers might cause stress, lately for me it’s the “to do” clutter in my head that has been challenging. I’ve tried a variety of techniques to declutter my mind. They’ve included making mini lists with easy items such as “get dressed” and “go to bank.”  I’ve used my family and friends as sounding boards to sort the thoughts out loud. I’ve delegated certain things to others, when possible. Yet, even with doing these things, my mind stayed cluttered. It feels like no matter how much I do, it will never be enough. The word overwhelmed describes this well.

And then life threw me a curve ball. My dad ended up in the hospital. Everything just stopped. All of a sudden, those million items took a back seat to being there for my mom and dad. It’s not that the “list” disappeared, but it helped me to prioritize what was most important. My family comes first. I’ve always known this, but the emergency helped to quiet all those other things that have been vying for my attention.

After an intense 24 hours, I went back home to see my husband and daughters. We packed-up some sandwiches and ate by the river. We then walked along the beautiful path, enjoying the sun, the scenery and each other’s company. This was followed by a trip to our local ice cream shop, The Blue Pig. I felt completely renewed and recharged by being outside and with my family.

Eventually, I got ready for bed and picked up a book I recently purchased, Anna Quindlen’s Being Perfect, which had been on my “Books to Read List” for quite a while. It’s a small, intimate book. While I was too tired to read all of it last night, I read enough to know that it was probably the best book I could have picked up at that moment. The words jumped off the page in the loudest, clearest way saying, “Give up being perfect! Be kinder to yourself and just let yourself be.” In my book, The Other Side of Organized, the subtitle is Finding Balance Between Chaos and Perfection. And so it goes. We only hear the message when we’re ready to hear it.

At one point in the emergency room, my dad apologized to me for “screwing up my day.” I let him know that while I wished he wasn’t in the hospital, his emergency had sorted out my day. Then I thanked him for helping me to clear all that clutter in my head. There’s nothing like being in the emergency room to refocus you on what is most important- being there for the people you love, the blessings in your life and letting go of perfection. Being human is good enough.

There are gift-giving alternatives that can minimize clutter and increase positive memories. This is an idea to consider as spring brings us into one of the gift-giving seasons with graduations, weddings, anniversaries, father’s day and birthdays.

Growing up, our daughters certainly had their share of toys, but often they invented their own games and fun. Celebrating birthdays and special events along with gift-giving was integral to their childhood. Over time, however, it became increasingly difficult to find the right gift because neither of them, especially Cassie, wanted more “things.”

When Cassie was quite young, we asked her what she would like for one of her birthdays. She asked if we could “give her experiences instead of things.” Cassie’s question helped reframe our view about gifts. We changed our focus from giving things to doing things. We substituted clothing, jewelry and toys for plays, special days, and adventures. It’s been interesting to replace giving “stuff” with instead giving opportunities for more time together. We’ve received the benefit of minimizing clutter, creating more family time, and filling our hearts with wonderful memories.

Where is your clutter? Do you see it in the stacks that fill the surfaces of your furniture and floors? Is it in the pile of clothes covering your chair or bed? Is it concealed behind closed closet doors or spare room? Is the clutter the one piece of paper that sits on the kitchen counter? Perhaps the clutter isn’t of a physical nature, but instead manifests itself with the stray thoughts swimming inside your head. Maybe the clutter is in the form of overscheduled calendars and long “to do” lists.

Where ever or whatever it is, I’ve noticed that everyone has different clutter tolerance levels. What is clutter to one person is no problem for another. It’s fascinating! In my book, The Other Side of Organized, chapter 5 is devoted only to ideas about clutter. This is perhaps the number one reason why clients enlist my help. What I hear most often is that they are “overwhelmed by clutter.” People become overwhelmed at different points.

We love our things, whether it’s our possessions or our activities. And there is nothing intrinsically wrong with that. The problem arises when the things and events of life take over and begin wearing us out emotionally or taking over our physical spaces.  We become stressed and agitated when the clutter prevents us from living the life we desire. As I mentioned, each of us responds differently to clutter. These clutter tolerance differences can often be the source of conflicts and tension between people and in families.

For example, if one person has a zero clutter tolerance comfort level that means they are not comfortable with anything being out of place or covering surfaces. One piece of paper on a counter could upset them.  If they are living with someone that tends to collect papers in piles, this could cause problems for both of them. The zero clutter tolerance person gets annoyed with the other person and can’t understand why they make piles all over. The piler’s self-esteem can be eroded if the other person has no tolerance for their different style of being and berates them for being “messy.”

There is no easy or single answer to this, but I do have a few ideas. In our house, we have different styles and clutter tolerance levels. So to work with the variety, we have established personal and communal areas. In the personal areas, each of us keeps those areas exactly as they want. In the communal areas, we are more respectful of each other’s needs. I prefer to have less things accumulate, but realize that if someone is working on a project, things will be out of place for a time. However, when the project is done, those things get put away. In our daughters’ room, they don’t necessarily prefer to put things away regularly. So the door to their room gets closed and they keep the room as they like. When the clutter gets too much for them, they restore it to a more comfortable state.

Tolerance and respect is key. We don’t think or do things the same way. This is a good thing. It’s a matter of figuring out ways to work and live together, respecting those differences, helping one another where we can and letting go of what we can’t control.

I’d love to share a good story with you about the challenges of letting go of the familiar. I’ve wanted do some interior painting for let’s just say, “quite a while.” I’m not ready to give divulge exactly what “quite a while” means, but please just use your imagination. We got some estimates, selected the painter and made the plan. People do work in their homes all the time. There is nothing unique about what we’re doing. But even so, I’m finding this experience quite interesting.

What started out as “just a paint job,” has quickly turned into dozens of decisions and other side projects. I’m guessing that you know what I mean. For example, if you’re repainting then what about replacing the blinds and the towel bars and the closet interiors? Each new project requires research and choices. This is not necessarily a bad thing; instead, it transforms what was going to be something simple and expands the scope. Please understand that I’m completely aware that this is all my doing. I made the choice to do this work and have added extras during the process.

The paint colors were selected and the other decisions were made. Then came the “getting prepared” part. That involved completely emptying our bedroom and bathroom. Over the years, I’ve spent a good amount of time organizing those spaces so that I don’t have to think very hard about finding my clothes or accessories. They are placed where I need them and it makes the basics of daily living less stressful. Now imagine a situation almost like “52 Pick-Up.” With the things temporarily moved to various locations throughout our home, the order has been seriously altered. It’s almost like being a guest in your own home. You’ve got your stuff with you, but it’s not organized the way you’re accustomed to. It’s a strange feeling to say the least.

As we were emptying the closets and taking all the paintings off the walls, I felt a bit melancholy. It seemed like we were moving, even though we weren’t. It was also sad to be changing something that was so familiar and comfortable. But the funny part was that we weren’t moving. We were in fact improving our environment. Even so, there was an odd sense of loss. What was that about? In order to make this change, we had to be willing to let go of the familiar. We had to be willing to be uncomfortable and out of sorts temporarily, to make things better.

I so much appreciated a phone call from my husband today. He reminded me that even though he knows how difficult the disarray is for me, he also knows that the result will be well worth the inconvenience. He reminded me to keep focused on what it would feel like once it was done.

This experience parallels many of the things my clients experience around getting organized. They desire to do something different, to have less stress and to make their environments support rather than hinder their daily living. At the same time, anxiety and loss often accompany the process of moving to this desired place. I too am experiencing something similar. I appreciate how hard it is to make changes, even when they are for the better. It requires effort and inconvenience and of course, letting go. But I’m guessing that in a few days from now, when the pictures are back on the freshly painted walls, the clothes are hung in the newly installed closet and our bed is back in the bedroom, I will quickly forget about the discomfort I felt and instead completely enjoy the renewed space and sense of calm.