We all have markers, which are moments and events in our lives that define the passage of time. We have birthdays, anniversaries, new years, new seasons, new months and new days.  Each marks a time of reflection, change, growth and beginning again.

For me, one marker that’s become a tradition is our friends’ annual Winter Solstice party. This wonderful gathering of interesting people includes live music, dancing, food and an enormous bonfire. While I love everything about this event from seeing old friends to meeting new ones to hearing great music and dancing away, my favorite part is the lighting of the fire.

As a group, we each take a candle, light it and trek up the hill into the middle of the woods. Some years we walk through lots of snow. Other years, like this one, there was less snow. Once we get to the clearing, we form a circle around the stone pit. In the middle is a magnificently built teepee-shaped structure of wood standing about eight feet tall. As we wait for everyone to gather, it’s always cold. This soon changes.

Words are shared, the fire is lit and one by one, we throw our candles into the flame. As we do, we let go of negative thoughts from the year about to end and reflect on our dreams for the coming year. The blaze takes hold. The fire builds quickly and transforms the cold night.  My shivering is replaced by warmth. The mood is contemplative and magical. As the flames travel brilliantly up into the deep night sky, hope and gratitude fills my being. We are connected to each other. We are part of a tradition. We are markers in the passage of time.

The end of the year gives us a natural pause to reflect and restore our life balance. It’s the time to adjust, reset and move forward. The annual bonfire is one marker that nudges me into this mode. What is one of your markers? 

A few nights ago, I left the house to pick-up some take out food for dinner. The night was dark, cold and wintry feeling. As I went out the front door, I noticed that a light snow was just beginning to fall. This was the first snow of the season. It came down very slowly, barely stuck to the ground and made the streets glisten.

Particularly where the streetlights shone, I found it magical to watch the flakes gently descending. They looked like they were moving in slow motion.  Seeing the snow reminded me that a new season was on its way. It was time to regroup.

I was particularly appreciative of the slowness of this snowfall. I thought about how in the fast-paced world we live in, it’s especially important to put the brakes on long enough to see, listen, learn and feel what’s going on. If we continually move without ever stopping to reflect, we do ourselves a disservice. Not only do we miss out on “magic moments,” but we also prevent ourselves from hearing our deeper thoughts.

Everywhere I go these days, I hear holiday music. While some people might find this annoying, I love it! I can’t help myself from singing along. The music makes me feel happy. It marks a time of year for gatherings, parties, seeing family and friends. It’s the season for endings and new beginnings. There’s an odd pull between melancholy and hopefulness. We say good-bye to what was and simultaneously look forward to having a new year to begin again. It’s an opportunity to look at our life balance and figure out what needs adjustments and what should be left alone.

Whether it’s slow motion flurries or holiday music, there are cues in every season that indicate that change is upon us. What markers are you noticing? What changes are you anticipating?

In the last several months, I’ve been reading a lot on the subject of happiness. Between Gretchen Rubin’s book, The Happiness Project, Dr. Martin Seligman’s book, Authentic Happiness, and the recent Real Simple magazine issue, which featured happiness articles, this topic has occupied my thoughts more than usual.

Happiness comes in many forms. Finding joy in the present as opposed to wishing for the future or the past is one avenue for happiness. I’ve been a working mom from the time our girls were young. The pull between raising a family and juggling work has always existed for me.  What helped me negotiate that challenge was learning to be present wherever I was. When I was with our girls, I was with them 100%. When I was working, I focused on that completely. In addition, I looked for small moments of joy along the way.

On my “Mommy days,” I often had to run errands and play catch-up. The girls always went with me. I treated our outings as opportunities for fun, adventure and bonding. If we were driving along and saw something beautiful or heard something funny, we noticed it together. We’d sing in the car, dance in the supermarket aisles and laugh at silly sights. It made car rides fun, shopping less mundane and helped us find the fun in very simple things. We allowed ourselves happiness breaks.

Now our girls are both in college. They are happy and working very hard. The fall semester is almost over. Our oldest daughter is feeling the time crunch for completing her projects. Sleep is something she’s not getting enough of these days because there’s so much to do. She commented to me that while she normally lives in the present and enjoys each day, right now she’s feeling a little guilty that she’s wishing the semester to be over.

I’ve experienced times that were more intense than others. There were years when my sleep was interrupted by the girls waking me up in the night. During those years, even with the lack of sleep and many demands on my time, I knew that it was temporary. In the blink of an eye, the girls would be all grown-up and self-sufficient. Free time would be something I’d have more of, eventually. I also knew that as challenging as it was, I wanted to enjoy the time, sleep deprived and all, because when it was gone, I’d miss those special years.

Happiness involves finding joy in the little things. Even when life is chaotic, the kids aren’t sleeping, work deadlines are looming and you don’t seem to have any time for yourself, there are small ways to find happy moments. Things like that first sip of morning coffee, hearing your favorite DJ on the radio, seeing gorgeous colors, laughing with your kids, slipping into your warm, cozy bed after a long day. . . these are all causes for mini-celebrations or opportunities to be grateful. It won’t matter that you have challenges if you can find small windows nestled in the chaos to stop and appreciate what’s right in front of you. Happiness options are bountiful if you allow yourself to enjoy them.

What makes you happy?

This fall I offered the Ultimate Organizing Giveaway. The contest was successful on multiple levels. What I loved most were the comments participants wrote on my blog during the giveaway. The wealth of challenges, hopes and dreams posted inspired me to “collect” them. Aside from letting me know their favorite items in the giveaway such as the $50 Container Store gift card or Peter Walsh’s book, It’s All Too Much, they also shared from their hearts. I was deeply moved by what they wrote about.

Four main themes came through in their organizing challenges. They shared their self-talk, whys, desires and actions. Perhaps some of these thoughts will resonate with you.

Self-Talk can be our best friend or most vicious enemy. So much of what we tell ourselves effects our actions. Our internal dialogue can propel us forward or paralyze us to inaction. What do you tell yourself? Is negative self-talk holding you back? Here are some thoughts others shared:

• I “should” be more organized.
• I’m an “organizational disaster.”
• My life is disorganized and is “driving me insane.”
• I am totally disorganized.
• Disorganization is a “flaw” in my character.
• My life is in chaos and I have no chance of digging out.
• I feel paralyzed.

Organizing challenges come in many forms. The source of our disorganization is as varied as each of us. Why do you feel disorganized? Here are some of the reasons people shared:

• I have small kids, so it’s difficult to stay organized.
• My paperwork is a “mess.”
• I’m running my own business and raising a family.
• I have too much stuff.
• I’m in “organizational turmoil” due to health challenges.
• I procrastinate too much.
• It’s not about the stuff but an entire mindset that upsets everything in my life if things aren’t organized.
• There is so much disorganization that I can’t find important documents.
• My spouse is a collector and hoarder.
• I am overwhelmed by the move we made six months ago.

We all have hopes, dreams and desires. We envision how we’d like our lives to be. We imagine what organization and life balance might look and feel like. Those dreams can sustain and propel us forward. These are some of the desires others shared:

• I “crave” organization.
• I want a Professional Organizer in my home full time.
• My “dream goal” is to be organized.
• By reading organizational books and catalogs, I hope that I will become organized through osmosis.
• I want to pare things down.
• I need methods about how to organize.
• I want organizing advice that’s realistic and helpful.
• I need help organizing my stuff and life.
• I am looking for inspiration and motivation.

As we know, dreams and explanations are an important part of the organizing equation, but without being tied to concrete actions, they just remain as thoughts.  I’ve observed that sometimes just talking about getting organized can inspire others to take action. Here are some of the action ideas that people shared:

• I can’t do this alone, so I am hiring a Professional Organizer to help.
• I am focusing on one thing each day to minimize confusion.
• Instead of waiting for the New Year, I’m going to start now.
• I am going to do more purging.
• I have no control over my spouse's disorganization, so I will work on my own areas instead.
• I will take one small step at a time.

Perhaps you identify with some of the statements others have shared about self-talk, whys, desires and actions? Wherever you are on the organizing challenge spectrum, you are not alone. I encourage you to continue the conversation. I’d love to hear more from you! Is your self-talk negative or positive? Why do you feel disorganized? Why do you want to get organized? What action step are you ready to take?