What is it about our kids and fun? They know how to have it free and clear of guilt. They don’t ponder when or how but jump in 100%. As parents, it can be all too easy to disengage while they are content on their own. Some alone time is important, but there are plenty of opportunities to join them. For me, one of the true joys of parenting has been playing with them and catching (in a good way) their exuberance.

Especially as a working mom, the conflict of finding that comfortable balance between family and work has been an ongoing pursuit. When you’re in the middle of writing a report or drafting an email and your child asks, “Do you want to play a game, Mom?” a first response can often be, “Not now.” Then time moves on, and that opportunity for fun disappears. Not that it was always possible, but when asked, I tried to respond with, “I’d LOVE to play with you.” I knew how precious our time together was, and I didn’t want to miss chances to be silly and bond with our daughters.

Our girls never had difficulty figuring out something fun to do. As kids, they were the fun-makers and still are now that they’re teenagers. There were lots of dress-up. I can remember the hours they spent trying on costumes, making up dances, plays, and then inviting us for a show. I remember my mouth aching from smiling so much, just watching them. Often the dance performances would end up in audience participation with all of us dancing around our living room together. Being open to their playing brought out the silliness in us.

“Work will always exist, but experiencing the joy of playing with your children will not.” ”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

Sometimes fun came in a quiet form like when we read and snuggled together. Sometimes it was fun to take a walk, sing, or talk along the way. Water always provided a great source of entertainment between bathtubs, pools, rivers, and oceans. And sometimes fun was for just a few moments in the form of uncontrollable laughter.

Our girls grew up with two entrepreneurial parents that worked from home. Translated, that meant it was possible to be working 24/7. But both my husband and I made it a priority not to postpone fun. We knew that in the big scheme between the dancing, the baking, the laughing, and the swimming, these moments with our girls were fleeting. Work would always exist, but experiencing the joy of playing with your children would not.

If you really want to surprise your kids, ask them if they’d like to play a game or do something fun with you. Hopefully, they’ll say, “I’d LOVE to!”

What fun have you said “yes” to lately?

Don’t you just love the days that afford you the total freedom to do what you want when you want? I don’t know about you, but to me those types of days are a gift. More often than not, my time is fairly structured with commitments to be places at specific times, accomplish many tasks and goals, and coordinate with other people’s schedules. So, when I have a day “all to myself,” I really enjoy it.

Often on days like that, today being one of them, I start with a list of things I’d like to do and then go about doing them. But on this particular summer day, I found myself getting completely sidetracked. I was futzing and putzing for hours.  To my amazement, 4 o’clock rolled around and I hadn’t done one single thing from my list. There was the non-essential internet searching, the unimportant “really could wait” errands, eating of lunch followed by visiting my favorite local ice cream establishment, The Blue Pig. After all, what’s a day without soft serve berry ice?

Even before I decided to get ice cream, I realized that I was puttering for a reason. Simply stated, I needed the day to just float.  I figured that as long as I had futzed around for this long, I might as well extend it just a bit more and enjoy a frozen treat with my husband. After we ate our ice cream, I was motivated to work. And what do you think was the first item on my list? You guessed it…writing this post.

So, if you find yourself futzing and putzing, perhaps you need to indulge. Maybe you are craving a break from your busy schedule and list of to dos. Sometimes that break becomes exactly what you need to rejuvenate and get you motivated. As long as it’s in moderation, I encourage you to embrace the desire to putter and to stop feeling guilty. For more about motivation, read chapter seven of my book, The Other Side of Organized, which focuses exclusively on getting motivated to get organized.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. What are your pros or cons of futzing and putzing?

We think about getting motivated, being motivated and staying motivated. And why? We desire to move forward and want the drive to do so. We desire to change from where we currently are to where we want to be. We have an end goal in sight whether it’s something large like organizing an entire household in preparation for a move or something smaller such as organizing the sock drawer.

I’ve kept a journal for almost 40 years. While I enjoy writing in it, it’s just as interesting to revisit previous entries. The re-reading gives me the perspective to review the challenges and check-in with the progress I’ve made or not. Just today, I was sitting outside in one of my favorite spots by the Hudson River. I was enjoying the summer sun, sea and my journal. I wrote and read.

I found a particular passage that inspired this post. Many months back I found myself with a list of seemingly impossible goals and things to do. I had overwhelmed myself with everything I’d committed to doing. I was worrying about how and if I’d get things done. That worry was using a lot of energy. The goals were there. The motivation was there and so was the stress.

Fast forward in my journal several months. I ended up accomplishing many of the things I set out to do. The stress and worry were gone. I wrote this reminder to myself:

“The motion is forward. The goals are many. Patience and time are key to give myself the courtesy and space to accomplish the varied and assorted goals.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®

As you pursue your goals and search for the motivation to do so, remember to be patient. Remind yourself that things take time. Even though it often seems like we need to do everything now or this instant, that is not realistic. Think about one thing at a time. Think about the next step. Be patient.

What are you working towards now that needs your time and patience?

Raising two girls has not only been one of the most tremendous joys of my life, but it has also been a wonderful education. It was fascinating to learn what motivated them to explore and accomplish. As parents, it’s challenging to identify what motivates us, let alone figuring out what motivates our children. Both pursuits are worthwhile. Why is it that we do anything? The answer varies as widely as we do. We are not made from the same mold and what motivates you to accomplish your goals is different from what motivates your kids.

For our older daughter, Allison, it was apparent that she was motivated by her own agenda from a very early age. She was born determined, faced all challenges head-on, and never looked at “no” as an obstacle. To her, the word “no” was simply an opportunity to arrive at a “yes.” She tried walking at nine months, kept falling, getting up, and trying until she got it. Praise was not important to her. She had her own internal bar that she set from which she motivated herself. She had her own set of rules, way of working, and pacing. We encouraged and cheered her on but pretty much just stepped back as she explored. Music was important to her. While she had many opportunities to perform, she never really liked playing for others. One of her greatest pleasures was and still is just playing for herself for the sheer joy of it.

For Cassie, two years younger, she was motivated by external rewards, expectations, group experiences, and recognition. One of my clearest memories of this was around potty training. When it came time to potty train Cassie at age two, Allison decided to help. She created a potty training system. In our bathroom, where we had the potty, Allison placed a small stool and a basket of books. She then attached a chart to the wall next to the potty. Every time Cassie said, “I have to go,” Allison would say, “Come on, let’s go!” She would then grab her sister’s hand, and the two of them would run into the bathroom together. And so the motivation began. Allison would sit with Cass, keeping her company and reading to her for as long as she liked. If Cassie just sat on the potty, Allison let her pick out a small sticker to place on the chart. If Cassie sat and did “a little something,” Allison let her choose a medium sticker for the chart. And for the “grand prize,” Cassie got a large sticker. Then the two of them would come and give us a recap, and we’d add to the hoopla and fanfare. Within less than a week, our four-year-old had successfully potty trained our two-year-old. Talk about being motivated!

Allison understood what motivated Cassie. Being with others or having group experiences motivated her, so running in and reading together worked. Cassie was motivated by the “reward” concept, hence the sticker system. And praise and recognition were in play by the special attention, encouragement, and recognition her sister gave her.

As Cassie developed, her love of being with others in various group experiences became even more essential. It was never about the stuff, but always about the people. Theatre and performing became her passion. It appeals to who she is on so many levels- the collaborative group experience, the recognition, and the applause.

Knowing what motivates us is crucial. Understanding what motivates and excites our children is vital in understanding who they are and helping them on their journey through life. So whether you’re in the potty training, college searching, or somewhere in-between stage, look for those motivation clues.

What motivates your kids?