This past week, hundreds of professional organizers and productivity consultants from around the world gathered in Ft. Worth, Texas for the annual National Association of Productivity and Organizing Professionals (NAPO) conference.  I’ve been in this industry for 26+ years, and while I haven’t gone to every meeting, I have attended many.  It’s always exciting to learn new things, keep a pulse on the industry, hang out face-to-face with wonderful colleagues, and make new friends. The learning sessions are terrific, yet it’s often the conversations between the courses that I enjoy most.

The essential education this year for me was around letting go. That theme and message continued to pop up in unexpected ways. The lessons I came away with are ones that I hope will be helpful for you too. After all, letting go can be quite challenging so adopting other strategies and perspectives can ease the process and our stress. My deepest gratitude to my NAPO, ICD and other colleagues for teaching, sharing, and exploring these letting go lessons with me.

7 Surprising Letting Go Lessons

1. You Thought You Had a Plan

When I travel, I like to organize and get my arrangements set ahead of time. While I can be spontaneous, I’m more of a planner. So months earlier I had arranged my hotel, flights, and ground transportation for the NAPO conference. At 5:50 am, and five minutes before I was leaving my house for the airport, I received a text from Southwest Air saying they had canceled my flight. After my initial shock and a few choice words, I took a deep breath and realized that Southwest makes it very easy to rebook your flight, so no need to panic. However, for some reason, all of Southwest’s trips for that day and the next four days were either canceled or sold out. I searched for a new flight on a different airline. Delta saved the day. Within 15 minutes I had booked a later trip. In turn, I arrived later than expected, but I did get to the conference.

Letting Go Lesson 1:

Let go of the plan and revise it when you need to.

2. Get Out Of Your Way

One of the first sessions I attended was about future thinking or foresight. The “Drivers of Change” brief generated by ASAE and available to NAPO members, delves into various trends that could have an influence on our business in the next ten to twenty years. We looked at some of the broad categories but spent most of our time discussing and brainstorming in small groups about specific topics that were especially relevant for our industry. While I found it fascinating, I also recognized how challenging it was to think that far ahead. As hard as it was to future think, putting my mind in that mode generated some exciting possibilities.

Letting Go Lesson 2:

Let go of difficult to open the door to possibilities. 

3. The Research Says

Another session I enjoyed was the one describing the survey the NAPO research committee conducted. The information was hot off the press and not ready to be fully shared. However, one stat was particularly fascinating and relevant to the work I do with my clients. When asked the people surveyed how they preferred to manage the belongings they no longer wanted, 75% of them preferred to donate the unwanted and 48% preferred to give them to friends or family.

Letting Go Lesson 3:

Letting go is easier when we give our belongings to people that will use and appreciate them.

4. Take A Walk On The Wild Side

I loved the quiet one-on-one conversations with my colleagues that often happened during meals, like one of the planned evening dinners I had. When we arrived at the restaurant, they told us it would be a 45-60 minute wait since we didn’t have a reservation. Waiting didn’t bother us because the Stockyards were a lively neighborhood to explore. We meandered down the block looking at stores, taking in the sights and sounds, and happening upon the Coliseum, which housed a 100-year old rodeo. My friend, Lynne Poulton got very excited. After some recon, which included meeting a rodeo Hall-of-Famer who encouraged us to get tickets, we skipped dinner and spent the evening watching cowboys wrangle, rope, and ride. As they say in Texas, “Wee-haw!”  It was unexpected, impromptu fun and an evening I’ll never forget.

Letting Go Lesson 4:

Let go of supposed to in favor of flexibility as you might miss out on something truly spectacular.

5. Perfection Alert

Professional organizer aka stand-up comedian, Janice Simon presented an excellent workshop about resiliency. I loved her premise that making regular deposits into your resiliency bank will better equip you to handle life’s storms. She also shared that when you are going through challenging times, it’s important to adjust your expectations. Ask questions like, “What really needs to be done?”  Or “What can be cut back?” A quote she shared from Donna Smallin resonated with me. Donna said, “Done is perfect.” 

Letting Go Lesson 5:

Let go of perfection, especially when done is good enough.

6. There Is Always Room To Grow

Sessions featured workshops that addressed the chronically disorganized population. One of these courses was the panel of colleagues Alison Lush, Diane Thompson, Vickie Dellaquila, Carrie Cooper, and Gayle Gruenberg, of ICD (Institute for Challenging Disorganization.) They shared poignant stories about their clients and the process they went through to help them. The stories were emotional, and at points brought tears to my eyes. The creativity, compassion, generosity, helping spirit, and knowledge that these colleagues embodied are inspiring. What struck me most was they all went through as much learning and change as their clients did. In the process of working with their clients, these organizers learned to let go of their expectations, experiment with alternate organizing strategies, and trust in their clients’ wisdom and resourcefulness. As they let go, their clients stepped forward.

Letting Go Lesson 6:

Let go of being the expert and make space for the wisdom of others to emerge.

7.  Lean In To That Scary Stuff

The last session I attended presented by Nettie Owens was an inspiring (and way too short) workshop about reinventing your business. One of the questions she asked was, “What are you holding onto that is no longer serving you?” She then had us write on an index card, “What do I need to let go of?” along with our response below. I wrote, “doubt.”  Then she asked us to tear up the card, which we obediently did. Once torn, she implored us to toss the pieces up in the air. Think confetti flying. Being the organizers that we were, this made us viscerally uncomfortable. We didn’t want to make a mess that someone had to clean up. Understanding our demographic, Nettie acknowledged our challenge and insisted that we do it anyway. After a short deliberation, I took the plunge and threw my pieces as high into the air as I could. What a liberating feeling! As I tossed the papers, I felt my doubt dispersing too.

Letting Go Lesson 7:

Let go of the stuff that’s holding you back.

As I continue to think about my time away, I know that more letting go lessons will surface. However, in the effort to follow Donna’s advice of “Done is perfect,” I’m going to wrap things up here. Did any of these letting go lessons resonate with you? Have you experienced a different letting go lesson? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

For my clients, the most challenging aspect of the organizing process is letting go. The desire for organization, calm, peace, and having less stuff is real. But the process for getting “there,” especially during the editing phase can cause strong emotions like fear, anxiety, or paralysis. Have you or someone you know encountered this?

Why is it so hard to let go? How can we make the process less painful and more positive?

Our stuff represents many things including:

• Who I once was

• Who I hope to be

• Places I’ve been

• People I’ve loved

• Projects I want to do

• Projects I’ll never do

• Things I love

• Things received and never looked at again

• Right purchases

• Wrong purchases

• Gifts received

• Gifts to be given

• Broken parts waiting to be repaired

• Unidentified parts

• Clothing I wear

• Clothing I’ll never wear

The list goes on and on. 

So when we begin to face our stuff and decide what is essential to keep like the “spark joy” and practical items and let go of the things that have overstayed their welcome, choosing can be more difficult than we anticipated. You might experience heightened emotions, resistance, or avoidance. All of these are entirely normal.

Just because it’s hard, doesn’t mean you can’t let go. It only indicates that you might need some strategies for navigating the turbulent waters. 

8 Helpful Tips for Letting Go More Easily

1. Clarify Why 

As I mentioned above, emotions can hijack our decision-making ability, so having a clear picture of why we want to let go is crucial. Are you downsizing? Are you about to welcome a new family member to your home? Is your clutter preventing you from inviting people over? Get clear around your why.  When you’re feeling challenged with letting go, revisit your why. It will keep you motivated and focused.

2. Reach Out

Sometimes it’s better not to go it alone. If you’re struggling, it can be beneficial to enlist help from a friend, family member, or professional organizer like me. Look for someone who is nonjudgmental, compassionate, energetic, and can keep you focused on your objectives.

3. Pace Yourself

Recognize that making decisions takes mental and physical energy. Too many decisions can cause decision fatigue, which can deteriorate the quality of your choices. Be mindful of how you’re feeling. Take breaks as needed by getting some fresh air, having a snack, sipping a drink, or taking a bio break. Remove yourself from the area and then come back refreshed.

4. Set Boundaries

If you have a lot of editing to do, especially if you’re preparing for a move or rightsizing, set goals for how much time you want to spend editing and letting go each day. Experiment with what works best for you. Use a timer and stop when it dings. At the next session either reduce or add time considering how that previous letting go sitting went.

5. Prepare Setting

Make letting go as easy as possible by making your supplies readily accessible. Have bags, boxes, bins, tape, sticky notes, markers, pens, a pad of paper available to contain and label the items that will be donated, sold, or discarded. The key is to have things exit quickly, ideally the same day if that’s realistic. If the same day is not an option, set up a waiting area for the items that will be leaving. 

6. Safe Passage

Being able to donate or give your belongings to a person or resource that will appreciate and benefit from them can ease the letting go stress. This gives your things an easier exit or safe passage. It’s worth making a list of resources that you will feel good giving things away to. The list can include friends, family, local or national charities. I am a resource collector. Sharing these with my clients is involved in the organizing services that I provide. If you need a specific type of donation resource, let me know. I’m happy to help.

7. Just Do It

I know that Nike coined that phrase, but it’s a good one to keep in mind especially when your resistance surfaces. The amazing thing is that the more you exercise your letting go muscles, the more relaxed and less painful the process becomes. Action breeds success. Success encourages progress. Progress gets you from where you are to where you want to be. Trust the power of action, even if it’s one small step. Don’t deliberate. Do.

8. Be Patient

It’s easy to get discouraged when you spent three hours sorting and editing, yet there’s still so much more to do. This is how it is. Be patient with the process. You collected your things over a lifetime. Editing them won’t take a lifetime, but it will take some time. Keep your big goal in mind, be kind to yourself along the way, release the “coulda, woulda, shoulda” and continue on until you’ve let go of enough. You determine what enough looks like.

What have you encountered with letting go? Do you have a favorite strategy that’s helpful? Do any of these resonate with you? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

Here we are now. Spring is officially arriving this week. You may be sensing rumblings within as you notice nature changing around you. You might be poised and at the brink of wanting to take your next small step towards a new or current goal. You might also be feeling anxious, ambivalent, fearful, excited, ready or not. When I help others to organize and find balance during times of transition and change those next steps are crucial. Taking one tiny stride after another propels us ahead.

Over the 26 plus years I’ve been organizing, I’ve observed that the critical ingredient for next, as the condiment of life, is the ability to let go. Without releasing, there will be no forward movement. Letting go doesn’t happen overnight. We need to exercise our letting go muscles by starting small. This strengthens our tolerance while building confidence. It’s essential to release the “stuff” of life (physical and emotional) that won’t be useful to you on this part of your journey.  

Consider next steps and letting go as a beautiful, poignant dance between the heart, mind, and body.

As many of you know, I have a daily mindfulness meditation practice. I like to work with guided meditations led by various practitioners. One of the teachers I listen to on the Insight Timer app is Annemaree Rowley from Australia. One of my favorite teachings of hers is the “Letting Go Meditation.” At the end of the practice, she shares a profound poem by the poet, Erin Hanson about letting go. I love the message and I hope that it will also resonate with you.

I was the type of person,

That held onto things too tight,

Unable to release my grip,

When it no longer felt right,

And although it gave me blisters,

And my fingers would all ache,

I always thought that holding on,

Was worth the pain it takes.

I used to think in losing things,

I’d lose part of me too,

That slowly I’d become someone,

My heart no longer knew.

Then one day something happened,

I dropped what I had once held dear,

But my soul became much lighter,

Instead of filled with fear.

And it taught my heart that some things,

Aren’t meant to last for long,

They arrive to teach you lessons,

And then continue on.

You don’t have to cling to people,

Who no longer make you smile,

Or do something you’ve come to hate,

If it isn’t worth your while.

That sometimes the thing you’re fighting for,

Isn’t worth the cost,

And not everything you ever lose,

Is bound to be a loss.

- e.h.

What have you experienced about next steps and letting go? Did any phrases from Erin Hanson’s poem spark an idea? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

It’s hard to say goodbye and let go. At least, it is for me. As a matter of fact, for some, it’s so painful that they avoid it at all costs. After all, who likes pain? There are times, however, when we can no longer hold on. We learn to lean in towards the sadness and accept that it’s part of life. When it’s time to let go, we often feel loss. We’re aware that things are changing. We might pine for the past.

There are ways to let go lovingly, compassionately, and gently.  What works will be unique for each of us. This week, as I prepared myself to say my final goodbyes to our family home of 57 years, I identified some strategies that helped me along the way. I hope some of these ideas will help you when it’s time to let go.

10 Gentle Ways That I Learned to Let Go

1. Writing For Others– During the house organizing, clearing, and sale process, which began about seven months ago, I started sharing some of the discoveries with you through my blog. How to Improve Life Balance When Organizing Your Stuff is one of the posts from that series. Writing about my experiences in this way and having a dialogue with those experiencing similar things helped me process what was happening, connect with others in a more significant way, and let go, little by little, one blog post at a time.

2. Talking With Loved Ones – I don’t know what I would have done without the love, support, and wonderful listening ears of my husband, daughters, siblings, and other family members and friends. Collectively, they listened as I navigated the good days and challenging ones. They commiserated and offered their help and support. It was their supportive listening that was most appreciated. They supported me as I went through the challenges of transitioning out of the family home and letting go of it and all of its contents. 

3. Practicing Mindfulness– For the last year and a half, I’ve been practicing mindfulness meditation and living more mindfully. While there were a few months that I took a break from meditating daily, I’ve been pretty consistent. The practice has helped me to focus on the present, make peace with the past, and not get too anxious about the future. This practice of being present and mindful of the moment has also helped me beyond measure with letting go of the family home, and all that was within it. We have now, not then. We have now, not the future. We can hold our memories close, but if we focus too much on the past, we’ll miss what’s right in front of us…the present. Mindfulness practice has taught me that letting go is a path to being present.

4. Laughing Out Loud – On the day of the final house clear-out, Junkluggers had just emptied the remaining furniture from my dad’s office. Things looked stark and sad. Something on the floor caught my eye that had been hidden under the credenza. I bent down to pick it up and discovered the “OY VEY!” computer key I’d given to my dad years ago. My entire mood lightened. I burst out laughing. In that moment, I felt the love, support, and shared sense of humor my dad and I always had together. The laughter helped me let go a bit more that day and know that things were going to be just fine. During those challenging times of letting go, don’t underestimate the power of a good laugh.

5. Documenting the Process – As many of you know, I love taking photos. Thank you, iPhone! During this period, I took tons of photos as I sorted, edited, sent off, and let go of stuff. As I worked, I often shared images of my latest discoveries with my siblings, husband or kids. Together, we enjoyed the memories they invoked. Documenting and sharing things in this way helped me to more easily let go of the physical items. 

6. Writing in My Journal– Different from writing the blog posts, which were for public view, I also wrote in my private journal during this time. I’ve been journaling for 46 years. While I’m pretty open on the blog, my personal journal provided me with another venue for processing feelings and thoughts about what was happening. Writing in this personal way helped me to let go.

Below is a passage from one of my journal entries:

“What I understand is that letting go doesn’t mean we have to forget. It just means that we release ourselves from holding on. We release ourselves from an obligation or responsibility or expectation. We make a bit more space in our hearts and mind for new energy to flow. We lift the anchor. We sail on.”

— Linda Samuels

7. Saying Goodbye With My Daughter – The week we closed on the house, my oldest daughter, Allison, came with me to see the house for her last time. I knew I’d see the house again that week. But having her there to say her goodbyes, to take photos (yes, we took selfies) and to reminisce together, meant so much to me. Being there together side-by-side gave me great comfort. I let go a little more that day.

8. Documenting the Memories – On the day before the closing, I went to the house to say my final goodbyes. As I pulled into the driveway and walked up the path, a cute brown bunny hopped up the path and led me to the door. It was so funny and unusual to have this bunny escort. I went through every inch of the house taking short 20-60 second clips of each room. As I filmed, I talked out loud about what I was seeing and remembering. I walked around the first floor, then the basement, then to the top floor, and finally outside. I took my time and soaked in what I was seeing, feeling, hearing, and smelling. The past and the present were melding into one big picture, a picture that I would now have to hold in my mind and heart. I walked. I talked. I filmed. I cried. I said my goodbyes and let go.

9. Providing Safe Passage– In the organizing industry we have a term, “safe passage.” It has to do with letting go. If you’re able to find a good home for the things that you’re letting go of, you’ll feel better and more at peace with saying goodbye and letting go of those things. During the family home clear-out and sale, this was definitely true for me. It was easier to let go of the physical contents when I knew it was going to someone who would benefit from or appreciate it.  Having the home itself be bought by a family that would love and care for it as much as we did was also important to us. For the new family and to prepare the home itself for safe passage, I compiled an accordion file of house info essentials, including keys, manuals, and vendors. I also wrote them a note and left a gift basket. Doing these things made me feel that the house and its contents received safe passage, which provided some closure and allowed me to more easily let go.

10. Letting Go With Love– The last gesture that helped me let go and say my final goodbye was to make something. For me, creating is something that I enjoy, but also something that helps me process my thoughts and emotions. While there are many outlets that I use, like writing or photography, for this particular goodbye, I chose to make a video that blended music, words, and images of the house and family in the past and present. I shared it with my family and friends and am now sharing it with you. Different from the other videos that I create, this one is long (close to 9 minutes.) So don’t feel obligated to watch it. It’s not a marketing piece, which I intentionally keep short. It’s a piece about love, family, and letting go of my childhood home of 57 years.

Click below to watch "Goodbye, home." video . . .

Big exhale, folks. I’m feeling lighter and happier knowing that our home is in good hands, that all the stuff has found good homes, and that life will continue on in its beautiful, wondrous ways. What resonated with you? I’d love to hear your thoughts about letting go. Join the conversation!