8 Lessons LearnedWe are human beings that make mistakes. It’s impossible to go through life without taking some wrong turns, isn’t it? Of course our mistakes will vary as much as the lessons or growth we experience from them. And while there’s nothing quite as effective as hands-on learning, we can also learn something from other people’s stories. I enlisted help from a generous group of wonderful colleagues (Andrea Sharb, Cena Block, Peggy Pardo, Sheila Delson, April Lane Benson, Susan Lasky, Yota Schneider, and Sue West.) I asked them, “Can you describe a personal mistake or failure, which was accompanied by learning and growth?” Their responses are poignant, motivating, and inspiring. My deepest gratitude goes to each of them for bravely sharing their lessons with us. If you’re grappling with unresolved mistakes or feelings of failure, keep reading to discover some powerful, forward-thinking strategies that might work for you.

Can you describe a personal mistake or failure, which was accompanied by learning and growth? . . .

Slowing Down

“A significant source of failure for me: taking on too much, becoming overwhelmed and not completing tasks as a result. For many years I felt like I was failing everyday. An ADHD diagnosis and learning about how my brain works helped build awareness around what was happening so I could begin to slow this cycle. Now, a couple of my daily best practices questions help me maintain an ongoing awareness around this: 

Is this new opportunity just shiny, or will it truly energize me in the long run?

Am I relying on found time to get to what's most important?"

Andrea Sharb, CPO-CD®, ACC®, COC®, CPO® – Professional Organizer & ADHD Productivity Coach

Letting Go of Perfection

“One thing I struggled with early on in business was waiting till I had it 'right' before launching something new. It didn't matter whether it was a class, a blog post, a workshop, or a new pricing package… I was stopped because it didn't feel 'ready'.  This is something with which I know many mompreneurs struggle. Getting it right is largely connected to the hidden insecurity of not feeling good enough. (YES, those insecurities always seem to be lurking behind the scenes!) So, my PERSONAL MISTAKE was to wait, wait, wait… and use 'getting it right' as an excuse to stay stuck.  When I hired a coach, and she held this 'pattern' up so I could see it, I set a date and launched - in all my imperfection. What I learned was that waiting to launch to make it perfect was safer. Launching was more risky - but ultimately served MORE people… and allowed me to let go of the perfection.”

Cena Block – Business Coach, Author & Speaker

Trusting Instincts

“Most of the biggest mistakes I've made in my life have happened when I didn't listen to the ‘little voice inside my head’, call it instinct or intuition, and instead listened to others because I wasn't confident enough in my abilities. Hindsight has taught me to pay attention to what my gut is telling me and trust my own judgment. This has helped me to develop confidence in my decisions and talents.”

Peggy Pardo – Interior Decorator, Professional Organizer, Author, & Blogger

Doing No Harm

“One big personal mistake: assuming too much reliance and trust on others over myself. Betrayal and abandonment resulted when I was given an ultimatum over someone I wanted to marry – their way or the highway. I chose "my way!"  An excruciating lesson thirty years ago became my greatest blessing since. I've learned the value of forgiveness and tolerance of other’s mistakes, and my own as well.  We all try to do the best we can. Today this lesson impacts my daily decisions both personally and professionally.  Whenever possible – do no harm!”

Sheila Delson, CPO-CD® – Certified Professional Organizer in Chronic Disorganization

Trusting Others

“Over thirty years ago, my husband began a retirement account for me that I contributed to each year. He did extremely well and my small initial investment grew by a multiple by 30! The tech bubble burst. I lost about 80% of that paper profit. I got extremely angry and took the management of the account away from him, which made him very angry. I put what money was left in a hedge fund and lost almost all the rest! What I learned was that I needed to totally trust my husband who had already more than proved himself.”

April Lane Benson, Ph.D. – Psychologist & Author

Honoring Imperfections

“As a professional organizer, I am ‘supposed’ to stay organized.  As a productivity coach, I am ‘supposed’ to walk my talk.  As a human being, I often fall short.  For a long time, I felt this dichotomy between knowing and doing made me an imposter. Even though I was frequently successful in following my own advice, I was never consistent, so how could I advise clients? 

A wonderful thing happened when I learned to truly accept myself, with humor and grace (which also became Step #2 in my 7-Step PowerPlan to Success).  As I shared my challenges with prospects and clients, their reaction was totally supportive and even relieved that I wasn’t ‘perfect.’  They felt I deeply understood their issues, and could help them break free from their own inner critic.”

Susan Lasky, M.A., SCAC – Board Certified Coach & Professional Organizer

Forgiving Self

“I've had my share of mistakes but once I begin to think about them in terms of the growth and learning that followed, they stop looking like mistakes. Of course not every mistake is accompanied by meaningful growth. There are mistakes I've made that simply highlight an aspect of myself that needs to be known.

What comes to mind is how I left corporate. I hadn't been happy for a while but instead of thinking it through, I just quit. As a result, I've had to backtrack numerous times and learn how to deal with the aftermath. I had to learn how to build a business from the ground up, keep going despite the obstacles, and forgive myself for not knowing it all. I believe I am a better coach because of all I've been through.”

Yota Schneider, Seasons of Change Certified Master Coach – Life Transitions Coach, Workshops & Retreat Facilitator, Blogger, & Mindfulness Meditation Practitioner

Listening to Intuition

“I was a late bloomer to listening to the inner, intuitive voice which is uniquely mine. Any time that quiet whisper of a voice spoke to me, I ignored it, not believing in it. The growth came through learning to feel my feelings, so that my voice would grow louder and stronger. The learning came about due to errors of experience, through work with a therapist who didn't let me get away with intellectualizing, my work with clients who taught (and teach) me more than they will ever know, and my coaching program, where I learned even deeper listening skills.”

Sue West, CPO-CD®, COC® – Organizing & ADHD Coach

The deep knowing that each person has experienced by making mistakes, choosing wrong paths, and failing is so inspiring. We’ve all been there. It can be painful to grow. However, the silver lining is that we can use those lessons to have healthier, more productive, and happier lives. We can also use our experiences to help others.

Which lessons resonate with you? Do you have a personal learning experience to share? Come join the conversation.

Choices are all around us. The small and large decisions we make are influenced by our perspective, experiences, and the way our brain processes. The complexity of how our minds work means that some decisions we make are logical, and some are not. Some are healthy, and some are anything but.

Decisions can be made boldly, carelessly, doggedly, creatively, emotionally, logically, laboriously, or freely. We can toss a coin or spend days deliberating about options. Decisions can be made in solitude or collaboratively. Simple choices, such as “What color shirt am I going to wear?” are juxtaposed with more challenging questions, like “Which room should I organize first?”

According to the Time article, “Making Choices: How Your Brain Decides,” neuroscience journalist, Maia Szalazvitz, said that each day we’re asked to make thousands of small and large decisions. She refers to a California Institute of Technology study that examined how the brain decides. The study indicated that there are two distinct networks for decision-making. One network analyzes the overall value, as well as the risk versus the reward, of a specific choice. The other network guides behavior.

Sometimes the decisions we make are obvious, and sometimes quite gray. This past weekend, I had the honor of being on a “Professional Ethics” panel, sponsored by the NAPO-NY chapter. We discussed the NAPO Code of Ethics and shared various scenarios and sticky situations that required us to consider the ethical choices we might make. It was fascinating to hear the diversity of ideas, perspectives, agreements, and disagreements. But again, it all came back to choice. Do we take action, and if so, what? Or, are there times when it’s appropriate to do nothing, and taking no action is the choice?

What I love most is that we have the ability to choose. These choices are available to us at every moment. Our yeses, nos, and maybes of today define our tomorrows.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. How do you decide? What allows you to be comfortable or satisfied with your decisions? What have you learned from making decisions? Join the conversation.

Inspiration can come from the most unexpected places. Who knew that a quick overnight trip this past weekend would provide me with an idea for this week’s post?

After a long drive to Maryland, my husband and I arrived late Saturday night at the Courtyard Marriott. We had a family gathering to attend the following day.  We settled into our room. I got into bed and was about to read when I noticed a small pad of lined paper next to me on the bedside table provided by the hotel. The top of the pad had a title with a question below it:

“ACCOMPLISHED LIST.

Much more gratifying than a to-do list, don’t you think?”

I always enjoy surprise messages like this. I’ve seen ones on Yogi tea bag tags, the tape on the wrappers that hold the sandwiches together at Starbucks, and of course in fortune cookies. These notes sometimes make me laugh, or pause and think.

What about the “Accomplished List?” I love the possibilities that the pad suggested. Instead of writing down the things that you want to, need to, have to do on a particular day, it’s suggesting that you take inventory of what you already accomplished. If you are like me, you didn’t complete everything on your list, but you probably did a lot. We often tend to focus on what we didn’t do rather than what we did do.

What a lovely way to end the day, week or month with focusing on the positive! To-do lists are great for setting expectations, reaching goals, and imagining possibilities. The “Accomplished List” encourages you to reflect on and appreciate what you chose to complete.

It might be the beginning, middle or end of your day. Pause to jot down what you accomplished today, yesterday or last week. What are you most proud of? Come join the conversation to add your thoughts and share your most satisfying items from your accomplished list.

Jane Pollak

Jane Pollak "Ask the Expert" interview about Possibility ThinkingThe “Ask the Expert” interview series connects you with industry thought leaders and gives you the opportunity to participate in inspiring conversations. This year we’ve spoken with Dorothy Breininger about success, Dr. April Lane Benson about enlisting help, Leslie Josel about motivation, David Allen about time management, Peter Walsh about clutter, Sheila Delson about letting go, Laura Berman Fortgang about next steps, Judith Kolberg about change, and Sue West about fresh starts. This month I’m thrilled to bring you business coach, Jane Pollak, to share her insights and experience about possibility thinking.

While Jane and I have never met in person, I have been following and hearing about her for many years. I have several colleagues that rave about her unique ability to help entrepreneurs clarify, focus, and connect. When I contacted Jane to invite her to be interviewed, she generously accepted. You are in for a treat. My deepest gratitude goes to Jane for taking the time to join us. Before we begin, here’s more about her.

Jane Pollak is one of the Northeast’s foremost coaches of entrepreneurial women and a living example of how to turn a passion into a thriving business. Jane’s story is an odyssey that led her from remote craft fairs and customer rejections to an invitation to the White House and appearance’s on NBC’s Today Show. The lessons Jane learned along the way led her to share her story and give advice to struggling entrepreneurs, travelling the country and beyond. Her book, Soul Proprietor, is not only inspiring and motivating for the entrepreneur or small business owner, it is a handbook of lessons that one could apply to the business of everyday life. You can connect with Jane on Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook, blog or website.

Linda Samuels:  You’re an expert in helping women entrepreneurs “achieve uncommon success.” What are some ways to create an environment that nurtures possibility thinking?

Jane Pollak:  It’s obvious to everyone looking on what lights you up. But we rarely give ourselves permission to listen deeply to what we really want. Sharing your dreams and visions with one or more other like-minded souls is like putting Miracle-Gro on your garden. It will flourish. Having others reflect their belief in you back to you in a group is powerful.

Be aware of how you language your vision. Eliminate words like “should” and “try” which, subtly diminish our intentions.

Linda:  What might get in our way?

Jane: Other people’s needs. Women are born nurturers and caretakers. Johnny forgot his violin. Your elderly mother needs to have cataract surgery. It often falls to you to take these tasks on, but it may not be necessary, and it most definitely CAN be done on YOUR schedule. I’ve had clients who are desperate to write, create, you fill in the blank, and are unable to put two hours together in their day.

At some point, you need to stake a claim for yourself. Some confuse self-care with being selfish. I don’t adhere to that. I believe that the example you set for your families, friends and colleagues is worthy of the risk it takes to do that. Johnny can experience the pain of his forgetfulness, and you can take your mother for surgery on a day that works for you. Once you get into the habit of scheduling time for YOU, there’s no turning back and it becomes the norm, not the exception.

Linda:  What are some techniques or questions to ask for imagining possibilities?

Jane:  A typical one that has remained evergreen for that reason is: If money, health, location and family obligations were not an issue, what would you really like to do? Or, what would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?

Many women will not even allow themselves to fantasize about possibilities for fear of failure or fear of success. It’s a loaded question and requires a lot of personal development work to get there.

A talented coach will be able to deeply explore your vision once they’ve broken through the layer(s) of resistance. What blocks us is not lack of talent as much as putting many obstacles in our way.

Linda:  What have you observed about the relationship between letting go and possibility thinking?

Jane:  They are mutually beneficial and must co-exist. It would be challenging to have possibility thinking without letting go…of preconceived ideas, demands, guilt, worry, etc. If you want to paint a great masterpiece, you may have to let go of having an immaculate household. I heard a wonderful saying once that has stuck with me for nearly 20 years: Housework, if done correctly, will kill you!

Linda:  What has been your most significant personal challenge around embracing possibilities?

Jane:  Getting divorced at age 63 after a 38-year marriage. While I was comfortable knowing I could support myself and be of value for another few decades, I am a relationship person and had to embrace the possibility of finding love in my 60’s—which I have. My self-talk had to be tamed – Men are only looking for younger women. All the good men are taken. Etc.

Linda:  Is there anything else you’d like to share about possibilities that I haven’t asked?

Jane:  Yes. I could not, nor would I advise anyone else, to do this at home alone! Support is vital in every aspect of our lives. When it comes to possibility thinking, it’s what will get you through the rocky road whether it’s someone to hold your hand, have your back or encourage you to continue to follow your dreams. They can get lost very quickly if you venture out alone.

Thank you, Jane for sharing your wisdom about possibility thinking. There are so many riches here including the uplifting words such as “flourish,” and “vision.”  I love your calls to action like give yourself “permission to listen deeply,” share your dreams with “like-minded souls,” be mindful of how you “language your vision,” "stake a claim for yourself," or learn how to tame your self-talk. These ideas exude possibilities.

I invite you to join Jane and me as we continue the conversation. We’d love to hear your thoughts about possibility thinking. Which ideas resonate with you?