On this beautiful spring day, I am grateful to all the amazing moms who have mentored, raised, and taught me how to love and be loved, be a parent, caretaker, and friend. Motherhood isn’t all smooth sailing, as every parent will admit. It’s messy, confusing, and at times, clutter-filled. However, being a parent is also joy-inducing. Helping our kids to grow, explore, and become has been and continues to be one of the most amazing experiences of my life.

I learned about motherhood from the best- my mom and her two sisters, Aunt Bert and Aunt Ruthy. These incredible women who exuded love and encouragement are now gone. I miss our soulful conversations, giggle sessions, shared meals, hugs, and quiet times together. While they are no longer here, their love remains.

They helped guide me when I became a mom 33 years ago. My heart expanded and grew again when, two years later, our second child was born. I never understood how fiercely my mom loved me until I became a parent. I adore our daughters, Allison and Cassie. I can’t imagine life without their loving presence. Seeing them blossom into incredible people inspires me and makes me hopeful for our future.

I am filled with gratitude, love, and sadness on this Mother’s Day. I’m grateful to the moms who raised me, my daughters, who continue to teach me, and my husband, Steve, an amazing parenting partner. These relationships fill my heart with so much love.

I’m sad because my mom and aunts are gone. Aunt Bert, the last of the “Simon Sisters,” died suddenly last week. I’m still wrapping my head around this profound loss. 

“I am grateful to all the amazing moms who taught me how to love and be loved.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVOP™

Whether you are a mom or know a wonderful mom, I hope you will take the time to celebrate a beautiful mom in your life. Wishing all the moms, aunts, and grandmothers a happy, love-filled Mother’s Day!

Is there a special mom you’d like to tell us about? Do you have any mom stories you’d like to share? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

There are times each day that encourages me to pause and notice. These mindful moments prevent me from moving to that next step on my daily to-do list. They remind me that while it’s helpful to be productive and get stuff done, stopping for a gratitude or reflection break is essential too. Have you experienced this?

I have an Anna Quindlen quote displayed on my desk, which says, “I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.” I extend this idea to the quality of my days. The next step often implies taking action that will further our project or goal. That’s essential. However, we can also interpret action to include reflecting, appreciating and noticing life’s treasures.

What made my next step be a stop and notice?  There were several things I’ll share with you. I’m curious about what you’ve been noticing lately, too.

3 Ways to Embrace Mindfulness

Next Step, Spring

It’s still officially winter, but signs of spring are all around. Some days I’ve gone coatless. And considering that only a few weeks ago, we were knee-deep in snow, and with freezing temperatures, a no-coat day feels pretty darn spectacular. But the spring sign that speaks, “spring is almost here,” more than any other, is when outside of our dining room window, the first purple crocus emerges from the earth. From the time our daughters were little, they were always on the lookout for the first crocus. I remember the joyous sounds of squealing and delight when they’d see it bloom. They’d rush to tell me in excited voices, “Look, look! The first crocus is out!!!” We’d run to the window together to appreciate the change. Then we’d go outside to take a closer look at this beautiful flower.

This past week, the purple crocus appeared. I felt just as excited and hopeful to see it as I have all of these years. I went outside to admire and appreciate its beauty and sign that spring is on its way. Life will once again begin to bloom.

Next Step, Hugs

Has anyone else seen the news articles that have been surfacing lately about how people isolated because of the pandemic are spending money to visit unique farms to hug cows? Yes, cows! This wellness trend of cow hugging or koe knuffelen, which originated in the Netherlands, has made its way to the United States. Apparently, cuddling a cow can increase our oxytocin levels, which is the hormone released in social bonding.

While my husband and I have been together during the pandemic and get to hug each other frequently, we have truly missed being with our children and embracing them. This past weekend, our daughter, Allison, visited us, and before the walking, talking, cooking, or eating, we stopped and hugged. It was the best next step ever! It’s not that I forgot. I was reminded how important and meaningful physical contact is to me. It’s the simple exchange of a hug or holding hands that express love, connection, and appreciation.

“Next can mean mindfully appreciating the moment.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO™

Next Step, Inspiration

Walking is part of every day. I love getting outside to move and explore. I tend to be a creature of habit, which extends to my walking routes. I mix it up sometimes, but most frequently choose a path along the Hudson River. When Allison visited us, she wanted to explore another spot in Croton. We ended up at this hidden beach, which my husband and I had only been to one other time. Aside from the gorgeous east river views, the landscape was covered with driftwood, reeds, rocks, and shells in unusual patterns and colors. Visual inspiration was all around as we stopped to capture the images and as I paused to appreciate being together with Steve and Allison.

Your next step doesn’t have to equal accomplishment. Next can mean mindfully appreciating the moment. Was your next step a pause to notice? What has captured your attention recently? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

This week is Thanksgiving. We’re experiencing a collective array of emotions such as sadness and disappointment because we can’t celebrate in person with our family and friends. Or, on the other end of the spectrum, we might feel joy and resolve that we’ve figured out new ways to mark the holidays. This isn’t a normal holiday season with the pandemic still in full force. I don’t know about you, but as someone who looks forward to our family tradition of hosting a large Thanksgiving gathering, I struggled with not having it this year.

Recently, during a conversation with our oldest daughter, Allison, she said that we’re experiencing a collective cognitive dissonance. What our heart wants and what our mind knows the safe choice to be is in conflict. In that one sentence, she summed up what I was feeling. This push-pull of what I wanted versus what I knew was the right thing to do. I’m not judging. People will decide what “right” means for them. For our family, it meant not having an in-person gathering.

How do we shift from a place of sadness to one where we can enjoy this season in the midst of a pandemic? I have a five ideas to help. I’d love to know what you are experiencing and planning, so please share your stories too.

5 Ways to Enjoy Pandemic-Time Holidays

Express Gratitude

We often refer to this time of year as the season of gratitude. Let’s focus on gratitude for what is, instead of what isn’t. We can feel grateful for the people we love, even if we can’t be physically together. Those who have found ways to safely gather, and we can be grateful for our smaller pods. Gratitude is present in our connections, love, good health, breath, and humanity. There is so much to be grateful for, even during a pandemic. 

Give Permission

My friend and colleague, Yota Schneider, offered a “Home for the Holidays” retreat to create a space for people to process their thoughts and feelings about this atypical holiday season. I signed up, and it was just what I needed. I felt camaraderie with the other attendees as we shared our challenges, ideas, and possibilities. Yota is so wise. She said, “Our capacity for love and celebration cannot be diminished.” She asked us to consider, “Can I give myself permission to celebrate in a new way?”  At that moment, something released within me. I wrote down, “Permission granted.  – Linda S.” That single question helped me open my heart and thoughts, and to gift myself permission to lean into celebration without judgment, doubt, or reservation.

“Our capacity for love and celebration cannot be diminished.”

— Yota Schneider

Get Creative

Maybe you’re like me, and you’re not having a large Thanksgiving gathering this year. My husband and I have hosted this holiday for many years, and it’s one we love and look forward to. To keep everyone safe, we knew it was a no-go. With help from our daughters, we figured out another way of celebrating. We’re having a virtual Thanksgiving meal with our daughters and their partners.

We’ll cook in advance in our own homes. We’ve exchanged one recipe each and will make those basic four recipes and then anything else we want for our meals. We’ll have the same “shared” food and some different dishes too- sausage stuffing from Steve, a special salad from Allison, brown butter cardamom cookies from Cassie, and cranberry sauce from yours truly. Then on Zoom, we’ll eat, talk, toast from our homes, and be together in a safe yet connected way.

We also set up two Zoom calls for the Friday after Thanksgiving to “be together” with our kids, siblings, nieces, and nephews.

Make Favorites

Aside from being with family and friends, Thanksgiving is about the food. I’m salivating just thinking about the smells and tastes of turkey, gravy, stuffing, cranberry sauce, sweet potatoes, and apple and pumpkin pies. Steve and I realized that we could still make our favorite dishes even if we didn’t have the entire crew over. Why not? Since it will just be the two of us, I thought that I should scale back and only make one pie. But I’m going to lean in, go for it, and make both. It’s not just about eating, but the enjoyment of baking too. We’ll have lots of yummy leftovers.

“The initial sadness for not being able to gather has morphed into positive anticipation for the ways we’ve reimagined the holiday.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

Anticipate Celebration

The unexpected outcome is that I’m now enjoying texting, emailing, and talking with the family about our virtual get-togethers and plans. Everyone is happy that we’ve found a way to share the love and connect, even from a distance. My heart feels full, like it usually does before, during, and after in-person events. I’m feeling that holiday spirit and extra warmth that comes from spending time with our family. The initial sadness for not being able to gather has morphed into positive anticipation. I’m looking forward to the way we reimagined Thanksgiving this year. 

How are you doing with your holiday planning? Will your holidays be different this year, or the same as usual? What changes have you made? What are you looking forward to? I’d love to hear your thoughts and stories. I invite you to join the conversation.

Madison Must Photography

As I sit down to write, thoughts of love, family, and a wedding swirl around my head and heart. Like a dream, I can’t believe that our youngest daughter, Cassie, married Matthew at our home one week ago. They exuded joy and love. We all felt it. By the end of the day, the back of my head ached from smiling so much. It was a good ache. There was so much love, a sense of wonderful possibilities, and hope for the future. Their celebration was a welcome bright spot in the midst of a challenging year.

My husband and I remained in the blissful wedding bubble for as long as we could. At this point, I have mostly returned to regular life. There are still a few flower bouquets reminding me that a wedding really did happen here, and some thank you notes to write. But other than that, my wedding tasks are complete, and the house is back to its pre-party state. What remains is this inner warmth from this significant time, images of tender moments, feelings of calm, and some lessons learned.

7 Lessons Learned from The Mother of the Bride

Communication

Shortly after Cassie and Matthew’s engagement last May, we started discussing the wedding. Right away, I realized we had different ideas and expectations. I recognized the importance of being open, listening, and remaining respectful of their wishes. After all, it was their wedding day. They chose to organize and handle most things and delegated some aspects to others, including me. We supported them in any way we could. Often that meant listening or offering ideas when asked. Keeping the lines of communication open was essential. 

Flexibility

A valuable life skill when making a wedding, especially during a pandemic, is flexibility. Change was the flavor of the day. The kids made plans and, because of the pandemic, had to alter them more than once. They remained flexible, and so did I. I’ll admit that I’m not naturally flexible and continue to work at it. The pandemic influenced a venue change, the wedding’s scope, the vendors, and the number of guests that could attend. Other changes happened that weren’t pandemic-related but required flexibility. Remaining nimble was a great coping strategy for all of us.

Madison Must Photography

Letting Go

As moms, we literally learn to let go from the moment our kids are born. They leave our bodies after being protectively housed for nine months. And that’s just the beginning. As our kids grow, we continue letting go in many ways. It’s useful to exercise those letting go skills when planning a wedding. There are so many things we can’t control. Recognizing that and letting go of control was key for me. It allowed me to worry less and enjoy more. The wedding was outside. Weather is one of the many things we have no control over. Letting go and focusing on the things we have agency over is useful. For example, we ordered a tent with attachable sides, in case it rained. We had control of the tent situation, but not the weather. Luckily, the wedding day was gorgeous. However, the newlyweds’ brunch on the following day was rainy, but the tent sides kept us cozy and dry.

“Letting go and focusing on the things we have agency over is useful.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

Planning

A lot of thought and organizing went into the wedding weekend. As I mentioned, Cassie and Matthew did all of the event planning. Their Google spreadsheets were amazing! However, my husband, Steve, and I had our lists too. The key was not waiting until the last minute to do things. In the months leading up to the wedding weekend, we made good use of evenings and weekends to prepare the house, clean, edit, organize, and schedule. There’s nothing quite like having a party to motivate you to get things done. I created a master list with separate projects and tasks in each section. Planning and allocating enough time to complete things made it less stressful. It also enabled me to more fully enjoy the process. I also discovered a fun fact. My daughters and I are all list-makers who prefer using a combination of digital and handwritten lists to get things done.

Madison Must Photography

Being Present

Days before the wedding, Cassie, Matthew, and our oldest daughter, Allison, arrived. What an incredible feeling to have everyone home! We’ve had very few visitors during the pandemic. I don’t remember the last time our kids were home with us for five days. What a treat! I didn’t want to miss anything. There were times when the girls were off in a corner experimenting with hair and makeup, or Matthew and Steve were in the greenhouse setting up equipment for the ceremony. At those moments, I was an observer, sensing family helping family, hearing laughter, and feeling the warmth of our house full of loved ones. At other times, I was in a doing mode. On Cassie’s wedding day, she asked us to put away our phones. She wanted the wedding photographer to be the only one taking pictures so we could be fully present. How wise. What a gift that was! It made me realize how many being present opportunities there were.

“There were many being present opportunities.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

Leaning In

There were so many emotions- joy, happiness, excitement, and sadness too. It was an intense variety of feelings. I embraced them all. While I was overjoyed that the parents, one set of grandparents, siblings, and a few of the bride and groom’s friends were with us in person on the wedding day, the rest of our family and friends couldn’t be there because of pandemic restrictions.  For those who couldn't attend in person, they watched the ceremony live on Zoom. I won’t lie. I missed the physical presence of my brothers, sisters, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, and friends. It felt so strange to celebrate a major milestone without them. I recognize that I’m not alone. This year, many people have experienced celebrations differently. With acceptance, I leaned into my conflicting emotions- feeling the joy of being together with the people that could attend and the sadness for those that couldn’t. 

Madison Must Photography

Reflecting

When we go through significant life events, it’s important to make time to reflect on our experiences. There were so many memorable moments and feelings that replay in my mind. I know more will continue to appear, but I thought I’d share several with you.

• Hugging our kids after being physically apart for so long.

• Hearing the sweet sounds of talking, giggling, and laughter fill our home.

• Spending time setting up, eating, and walking in the woods with our family and Matthew’s parents and three brothers the day before the wedding. 

• Experiencing the poignancy of painting Cassie’s finger and toenails the night before her wedding day and remembering how I used to paint her nails when she was little.

• Watching Allison dote over Cassie during the wedding weekend, as she helped with her hair and makeup, and anything she needed.

• Seeing my handsome husband all dressed-up as the Father of the Bride.

• Feeling grateful to meet Matthew’s grandparents and have them with us as they watched their first grandchild marry.

• Bursting into tears when moments before we walked Cassie down the aisle, I saw my mother, brother, and sister on Zoom waiting to watch the ceremony. I missed them so, yet felt their love and support.

• Feeling the swell of emotions as Steve and I walked Cassie down the aisle.

• Watching Matthew’s loving expression and tears as he saw Cassie in her wedding dress for the first time.

• During the ceremony, seeing Cassie and Matthew hold hands and stare into each other’s eyes as tears streamed down their faces.

• Feeling grateful for our new, wonderful son.

• Listening to the beautiful, emotional toast Allison gave to Cassie and Matthew on their wedding day.

• Seeing the joy between Steve and Cassie during their father/daughter dance.

• Watching how our beautiful Cassie seemed to float on air the entire day.

• Sitting down on the sofa with Steve after everyone left, feeling exhausted, elated, and amazed at how quickly the time passed.

• Feeling grateful for messages of love, good wishes, and support from our family and friends.

• Realizing that our little girl is all grown up and married.

• Feeling hope and possibilities for Cassie and Matthew for a life filled with love, connection, and family.

Madison Must Photography

We live in challenging times. Yet even in the darkest of days, there is hope. There is love. There are possibilities. These celebratory days with Cassie and Matthew’s marriage affirmed that light, love, hope, and possibilities are present. Have you recently experienced something in your life that has inspired possibilities for you? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.